Some people believe that violence on television and in computer games has a damaging effect on society. Others deny that these have any significant influence on people's behaviour. What is your opinion?
My opinion about
violence
on Use synonyms
television
and in computer Use synonyms
games
is quite strong. I think it has a damaging effect on society, even more on young children. Nowadays, Use synonyms
television
and computer Use synonyms
games
have become more popular in comparison to 20 years ago because of technological development. Use synonyms
Therefore
, program makers and game designers have a larger audience to show Linking Words
violence
in these programs of Use synonyms
games
.
In general, Use synonyms
people
learn from what they hear and see. To have something or someone as a role model can result in a different behaviour because most Use synonyms
people
are influenceable. If they see a ‘cool’ and strong man being violent on Use synonyms
television
or in a game, they might start behaving like that. Use synonyms
Moreover
, Linking Words
games
in which murder and theft Use synonyms
is
the goal Correct subject-verb agreement
are
are
more popular in the Wrong verb form
have become
last
10 years and criminality and Linking Words
violence
increased as well.
Use synonyms
However
, the denial of Linking Words
people
saying that it does not affect Use synonyms
people
’s behaviour might come from the ones who play those Use synonyms
games
and watch Use synonyms
violence
on Use synonyms
television
. My opinion is that showing Use synonyms
this
kind of content on Linking Words
television
is Use synonyms
a
wrong way of entertaining Correct article usage
the
people
. Use synonyms
In addition
, designing Linking Words
games
where individuals have to behave violently to get more points or win a game could result in the same behaviour in real life. And Use synonyms
that is
something to avoid regarding keeping society safe.
In conclusion, I think Linking Words
violence
on Use synonyms
television
and in Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
do
have a dramatic effect on society. Correct subject-verb agreement
does
People
should not have access to Use synonyms
such
horrible videos and Linking Words
games
.Use synonyms
Submitted by maria.vanwell on
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task achievement
Your essay would benefit from more specific examples and data to support your points. For instance, you could mention specific studies or statistical data that link violent games and shows to violent behavior.
task achievement
Improve the clarity of your ideas by expanding on your points a bit more. For example, explain in more depth how young people are influenced by violent role models or why violent games are particularly harmful.
coherence cohesion
Some sentences could be clearer. Try breaking up longer sentences or using simpler language to articulate your points more effectively.
coherence cohesion
You might improve the logical structure by outlining the counter-argument more fully before refuting it in order to show that you have considered multiple perspectives.
task achievement
You have a clear opinion and articulate it well throughout the essay. This shows strong task achievement and coherence.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are well-defined, which helps in providing a logical structure to the essay.