IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that women are generally more peaceful than men as their characters are naturally more nurturing than aggressive. To what extent do you agree with this?"

In today's society, many people
belived
Correct your spelling
believe
 that
women
Use synonyms
are
Verb problem
apply
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tend to be more calm and peaceful than
men
Use synonyms
, as they
inhertenly
Correct your spelling
inherently
 nurturing character
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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men
Use synonyms
 are assertive.
While
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 I agree with
this
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 perception, nature often forms by upbringing environments and other factors
not
Punctuation problem
, not
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 solely by gender type. On one hand, the perception that
women
Use synonyms
 are less
agrresive
Correct your spelling
aggressive
 than
men
Use synonyms
 because of the cultural expectations. Parents always encourage their girls to avoid conflicts not because they are
week
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weak
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, but because they are expected to have
harmony
Replace the word
harmonious
show examples
 characters.
In addition
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,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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another reason for
such
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view
Correct article usage
a view
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 is
choice
Correct article usage
the choice
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 of career by
women
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. In
previous
Correct article usage
the previous
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 century, the majority of
women
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 followed professions that required calm and less
aggresive
Correct your spelling
aggressive
Use synonyms
behavior
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behaviour
show examples
,
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;
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therefore
Punctuation problem
therefore,
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 many people made assumptions that
women
Use synonyms
 are more peaceful because of their nature rather than career necessity
t
Check wording
apply
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.
Moreover
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, some biological studies have shown that
harmones
Correct your spelling
hormones
 like
oxyton
Correct your spelling
oxytocin
, which
promotes
Correct subject-verb agreement
promote
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 bonding and
connections
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connections,
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 are more active in
women
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which
Punctuation problem
, which
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 contributes to
more calm
Correct word choice
calmer
show examples
Use synonyms
behavior
Use the right word
behaviour
show examples
.
On the other hand
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,
although
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women
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 are
find
Wrong verb form
found
show examples
 to be more nurturing by nature, I personally believe that many
men
Use synonyms
are
Verb problem
apply
show examples
possess relaxed and composed traits. Nowadays, several careers which require patience
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such
Punctuation problem
, such
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 as teaching, nursing and even caregiving followed by
men
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. The outcome in these careers by
men
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 is
equally
Replace the word
equal
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as
Change preposition
of
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women
Use synonyms
,
thus
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 they
both
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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are equally calm or aggressive. In modern society, both
men
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 and
women
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 are facing
equall opportunties
Correct your spelling
equal opportunities
 and challenges, and their
Use synonyms
behavior
Use the right word
behaviour
show examples
 often reflects personal values and life experiences more than gender. In conclusion,
although
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women
Use synonyms
 are often viewed as
peaceful
Correct article usage
a peaceful
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 gender
due to
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 their traditional roles and biological factors, I believe that
personailty
Correct your spelling
personality
 and
Use synonyms
behavior
Use the right word
behaviour
show examples
 are shaped by environment, upbringing and individual choices.
Therefore
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, I partially agree with
this
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 statement.

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grammar
Make sure to check for spelling mistakes in your writing.
coherence
Try to organize your ideas in a more logical order. Each paragraph should focus on a single main idea.
task achievement
Use more clear examples to support your points. This will help your argument become stronger.
task achievement
You have a clear opinion in your essay.
coherence
Your conclusion summarizes your views well.
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