IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

It is unacceptable that people who work in certain professions,eg.finance,media, entertainment and sport,are paid such high salaries while others, who do more important jobs in society,are underpaid. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

There is no denying the fact that some jobs have higher salaries.
While
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 it is a commonly held belief that other
people
Use synonyms
 who have important professions have lower
income
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, there is an argument that opposes
this
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. In my opinion, l disagree that certain professions should be getting a higher salary,
whereas
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people
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 who get lower salaries should have their
income
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 increased so everyone has a fair
income
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.
To begin
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 with, society who work as doctors and healthcare workers should be paid well because they are underpaid .
In other words
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, we should not pay well for jobs that only young
people
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 care about ,
whereas
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 jobs that save other humans are underpaid, which would be unfair.
In addition
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, everyone works hard in life to provide for their families, so it has to have equal payments for all of society. On one hand, the government have to put rules for workplaces in every country.
Furthermore
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, it is that the lowest paycheck has to be at least 500$ for every person;
this
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 way , everyone can live life perfectly.
For example
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, I have worked as a nurse for five years now and every week I work almost 60hours, but the payment is not enough for my everyday routine. In conclusion, despite
people
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 having different views,
finally
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, l totally agree that all crowds should have an
income
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 depending on how many hours they work a week and be fair to all types of professions.
However
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, a person should always find the perfect job for themselves.

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea and supporting details. This will help your ideas flow better.
task achievement
Use clearer examples to illustrate your points. This makes your argument stronger and easier to understand.
coherence and cohesion
Try to make your introduction and conclusion more specific. Clearly state your main argument in the introduction and summarize it effectively in the conclusion.
task achievement
You have a strong opinion on the topic, which is great! It shows your engagement with the question.
task achievement
Your experience as a nurse adds a personal touch to your essay. It makes your argument relatable.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • 1. Public sector
  • 2. Societal well-being
  • 3. Compensation
  • 4. Perceived societal value
  • 5. Market demand
  • 6. Supply and demand
  • 7. Economic benefits
  • 8. Talent migration
  • 9. Ethical implications
  • 10. Equitable distribution
  • 11. Top talent
  • 12. Essential services
  • 13. Societal importance
  • 14. Public demand
  • 15. Fairness in compensation
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