IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

GOVERNMENTS SHOULD FOCUS THEIR SPENDIN ON PUBLIC SERVICES RATHER THAN ON THE ARTS ( EG. MUSIC AND PAINTING). TO WHAT EXTENT DO YOU AGREE OR DISAGREE?

It is argued that governments have to take more responsibility for public
services
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 rather than
on
Change preposition
for
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 the
arts
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,
such
Linking Words
 as painting and music.
This
Linking Words
 essay completely agrees that
Correct article usage
the government
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government
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government's
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 duty is to improve the various
facilities
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 for society and give
the
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apply
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investors
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 the opportunity to develop the
arts
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. Governments should focus on developing public
services
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,
such
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 as
healthcare
Correct article usage
the healthcare
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 system, educational
facilities
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 and public transportation.
Moreover
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, developing these
facilities
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 can improve the
economy
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 of the countries by creating a high-quality environment. Many countries have improved the quality of
services
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 by building
facilities
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 for
education
Correct article usage
the education
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 and healthcare
system
Fix the agreement mistake
systems
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, which can help the community to improve their education and health.
In addition
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, developing
the
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apply
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public transportation will be useful for the employees in the society and
make
Verb problem
enable
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 them
able
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apply
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to commute between their homes and workplaces.
For example
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, a study shows that the
economy
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 of Japan has increased because of the quality of
services
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 provided by the government.
Investors
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 can use
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arts
Correct article usage
the arts
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 as a trade by investing their
money
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 in the various
arts
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,
such
Linking Words
 as painting and music.
This
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 kind of investment will help the government and population to express their culture to the world by developing these
arts
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,
Punctuation problem
. Investors
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investors
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 spending
money
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 on the
arts
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 will not only help to express the culture of the community to the world but
also
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 will increase the
economy
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 of the
country
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, which will attract
the
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apply
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tourists to explore the
country
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.
For example
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, a popular Spanish song called " Dispasito " has increased tourism in Spain by more than 40% in 2018. In conclusion, governments have to spend
money
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 on the main
services
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 in the
country
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 to serve the population and improve the
economy
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 of
the
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apply
show examples
country
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.
On the other hand
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, the
investors
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 can be useful to the
economy
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 by using their
money
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 and investing it in the
arts
Use synonyms
.

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task response
Make sure to clearly present your main ideas in the introduction.
coherence and cohesion
Use more linking words to connect your ideas, such as 'however', 'furthermore', and 'for instance'.
task response
Provide more examples to support your points and make them stronger.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which makes it easy to follow.
task achievement
The examples used are relevant and help to illustrate the points made.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Public services
  • Infrastructure
  • Healthcare
  • Education
  • Economic growth
  • Productivity
  • Innovation
  • Cultural heritage
  • Personal enrichment
  • Universal impact
  • Economic crises
  • Natural disasters
  • Cultural identity
  • Emotional well-being
  • Societal cohesion
What to do next:
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