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Band 6.5

Different types of robots are now being developed which can be a friend, help at work and at school. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

In today's fast-paced world, robotic technology is advancing rapidly, with new inventions emerging each day.
While
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 it may seem that
robots
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 bring only benefits to education and industries, I firmly believe that
this
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 is ultimately a negative trend for several reasons.
Firstly
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, as people become increasingly reliant on
robots
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, they may adopt a more sedentary lifestyle, leading to numerous health issues. In fact, most non-communicable diseases today stem from a lack of physical activity. The use of
robots
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 in daily routines may reduce physical engagement, making people more lethargic.
Moreover
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, introducing
robots
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 into education can hinder children's cognitive development, particularly at the primary level.
For instance
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, students may rely on robotic tools rather than engaging in genuine problem-solving, which weakens their analytical thinking skills.
Additionally
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, overdependence on
robots
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 in industries may result in job losses. Similar to the effects of industrialisation, the shift toward robotics could create widespread unemployment, especially in sectors that rely on manual labour. Another concern is the psychological impact of human-robot interactions. Excessive exposure to
robots
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 may weaken emotional connections among people, reducing empathy, compassion, and affection.
For example
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, recent research highlights cases where teenagers form emotional attachments to AI tools, mistaking them for real friends or romantic partners. The loss of
such
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 virtual relationships has even led to severe mental health issues, and in extreme cases, suicide. In conclusion,
although
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 robotics can enhance convenience and efficiency in our lives, a deeper analysis reveals that the disadvantages—including health risks, reduced social interaction, and job insecurity—outweigh the potential benefits.
Therefore
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, society should be cautious when integrating
robots
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 into personal and professional environments.

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure to connect your ideas smoothly with linking words or phrases to enhance flow.
task achievement
Consider adding more specific examples to support your main points, especially in the context of education and job losses.
task achievement
Try to explore a counter-argument to show a balanced view. This could strengthen your position and show deeper thinking.
task achievement
Your introduction clearly presents your main idea, and the conclusion effectively summarizes your stance.
coherence and cohesion
You have organized your essay into clear paragraphs, each focused on a main idea, making it easier to follow.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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