IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Some people believe that women should be able to join their country's army and police forces, but others disagree. Discuss both views and give your opinion, including examples from your knowledge and experience.

The topic of women being able to join the country's army and police forces has
rerecently
Correct your spelling
recently
 sparked significant attention across
verios
Correct your spelling
various
 sectors.
While
Linking Words
 some individuals firmly advocate the benefits of joining the army and police forces, others raise valid concerns regarding
its
Fix the agreement mistake
their
show examples
 drawbacks. Supporters of women working in
such
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 jobs argue that it brings numerous advantages to individuals and
sociaty
Correct your spelling
society
 as a whole. One compelling reason is that it
achives
Correct your spelling
achieves
 equality between the two genders
,
Punctuation problem
.
show examples
For instance
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, women in different countries contribute 30% in wars as
soldiers
Punctuation problem
soldiers,
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that
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 clearly demonstrates how
this
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 idea can
beneficial
Verb problem
be beneficial
show examples
 in
real life
Use the right word
real-life
show examples
 scenarios.
Addionally
Correct your spelling
Additionally
,it is
Correct article usage
an opertinity
show examples
opertinity
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opportunity
 for
femail
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a female
 to
debond
Verb problem
bond
show examples
on
Change preposition
with
show examples
herselfe
Correct your spelling
herself
 and can defend
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
her country serves as another point in
faver
Correct your spelling
favour
 of
this
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belife
Correct your spelling
belief
.
Consequently
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,
this
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 line of reasoning continues to attract strong support.
Conversely
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,
critice
Correct your spelling
criticism
 of
this
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 kind of work
express
Correct subject-verb agreement
expresses
show examples
 legitimate concerns about its potential consequences. From their perspective,
may
Correct pronoun usage
it may
show examples
 lead to
Correct article usage
a seruios
show examples
seruios
Correct your spelling
serious
 problem .A clear example of
this
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 they are not
phisclay
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physically
stong
Use the right word
strong
show examples
 enough . where negative outcomes were evident.
Moreover
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, being emotional is often cited as a drawback
the
Correct article usage
that
show examples
 cannot be
overlocked
Use the right word
overlooked
show examples
.
As a result
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, many individuals lean
towareds
Correct your spelling
towards
 rejecting
this
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 nation. In conclusion,
while
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 both views presented valid arguments, I
belive
Use the right word
believe
show examples
that working in
army
Correct article usage
the army
show examples
 is a great thing to do and offers more substantial advantages.
Therefore
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, I personally support
this
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 opinion , as it aligns more closely with
long term
Use the right word
long-term
show examples
 social progress and individual
well being
Use the right word
well-being
show examples
.

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task achievement
Your introduction needs to clearly present both sides of the argument and state your opinion more clearly.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure each paragraph focuses on a main idea and supports it with enough explanation.
task achievement
Use clearer examples and details to explain your points, especially in your supporting paragraphs.
coherence and cohesion
Check spelling and grammar to improve the overall clarity of your writing.
task achievement
You provided both sides of the argument, which is important for a balanced discussion.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion clearly states your opinion, which is a good practice in essay writing.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Gender equality
  • Diversity and inclusion
  • Talent pool
  • Physical strength and endurance
  • Unit cohesion
  • Morale
  • Effectiveness
  • Training and support structures
  • Critics
  • Unique skills and perspectives
What to do next:
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