IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In many countries, people are now living longer than ever before. Some people say an aging population creates problems for governments. Other people think there are benefits if society has more elderly people. To what extent do the advantages of having an ageing population outweigh the disadvantages?

There is an ongoing debate about
Use synonyms
people
Correct word choice
whether people
show examples
 are living for
longer
Correct article usage
a longer
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 duration than before, as they are getting better medical treatments and facilities.
Thus
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,
group
Correct article usage
a group
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 of
people
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 thinks it is creating issues for
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government
Correct article usage
the government
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Linking Words
while
Punctuation problem
, while
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 others argue that it is beneficial to have old age
people
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 in society. I strongly believe that
disadvantages
Correct article usage
the disadvantages
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 of having more
old age
Correct word choice
elderly
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people
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 outweigh
merits
Correct article usage
the merits
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.
This
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 essay will discuss both views in
details
Fix the agreement mistake
detail
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 with examples.
To examine
Verb problem
The
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 brighter side of having more numbers of old
people
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 is that they have gained lots of
experiences
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experience
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 during their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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 in various sectors
including
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, including
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 professional and personal
and
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, and
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 that can be helpful for younger
people
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.
For example
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, children growing up with their grandparents usually learn basic manners and communication skills faster because elderly
people
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 know how to teach a child well.
Besides
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this
Linking Words
, as they can do critical thinking more precisely
so
Rephrase
apply
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, in many big
organizations
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organisations
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all
Punctuation problem
, all
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 the managerial roles need to be played by seniors.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, I will not overlook
demerits
Correct article usage
the demerits
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 of
increasing
Correct article usage
the increasing
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 population of senior citizens.
To begin
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 with,
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government
Correct article usage
the government
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 finds
Correct pronoun usage
it difficulties
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difficulties
Replace the word
difficult
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 to provide benefits like pension, free health care plans and others to them. Not only
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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it is
Correct word order
is it
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 leading in rising of population and making places crowded
but
Punctuation problem
, but
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also
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 affecting
environment
Correct article usage
the environment
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 negatively.
To sum up
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, though
old age
Correct word choice
older
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people
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 can help
younger
Correct article usage
the younger
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 generation in multiple ways, if their population cannot be controlled in
future
Correct article usage
the future
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government
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 might find difficulties
to serve
Wrong verb form
serving
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 financial investments to other sectors.
That is
Linking Words
way
Use the right word
why
show examples
Use synonyms
government
Correct article usage
the government
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 should take
relative
Correct word choice
relevant
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 measures.

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task achievement
Make sure to clearly state your main opinion in the introduction. It’s good that you've stated your view, but you could make it more direct.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words like 'Firstly', 'Moreover', and 'In conclusion' to help the flow of your essay. This will make it easier to follow.
task achievement
Add more specific examples to support your points. This will make your arguments stronger and more convincing.
content
You have made a good attempt to discuss both sides of the argument. It shows understanding of the topic.
content
You provided some relevant examples that illustrate your points. It's always good to connect ideas with real-world situations.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • ageing population
  • benefits
  • disadvantages
  • advantages
  • experience
  • knowledge
  • contribution
  • economy
  • society
  • healthcare
  • youth employment
  • community
  • intergenerational support
  • volunteerism
  • mentorship
  • increased demand
  • pension costs
  • social welfare systems
  • workforce
  • productivity
  • intergenerational conflict
  • technological adaptability
  • dependency
  • effective
  • skill development
  • employment opportunities
  • intergenerational solidarity
  • communication
  • lifelong learning
  • technological literacy
  • age-friendly
  • social policies
  • infrastructure
What to do next:
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