Young people who commit serous crimes, such as a robbery or a biolent attack should be punished in the same way as adults. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

It is argued that adolescents have to be punished for their crimes,

such

Linking Words

as robbery and violent attacks,

also

Linking Words

have to be treated as

people

Use synonyms

of legal age.

This

Linking Words

essay totally disagrees with that statement because they are going through an unstable phase in their feelings, and putting them in prison will not fix them in the future. Many

teenagers

Use synonyms

have fluctuating emotional feelings at

this

Linking Words

stage of their lives, and they are

also

Linking Words

influenced by a lot of things around them.

For example

Linking Words

, friends at school, their families and video games. These factors are part of the environment around the young

people

Use synonyms

, which can change their

behaviours

Use synonyms

for the worse or for the better. Some friends at school learn each other violent

behaviours

Use synonyms

, which can be one of the main reasons why

teenagers

Use synonyms

adopt these

behaviours

Use synonyms

, not

Punctuation problem

. Not

show examples

only can friends

affect on

Verb problem

influence

show examples

the

Correct article usage

each

show examples

others

Fix the agreement mistake

other

show examples

at school

but

Punctuation problem

, but

show examples

also

Linking Words

the family. A lot of

teenagers

Use synonyms

Verb problem

exhibit

show examples

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

bad behaviour to get attention from their parents. Video games are

also

Linking Words

one of the most

extremely

Rephrase

apply

show examples

important factors that could affect

Change preposition

apply

show examples

their

behaviours

Use synonyms

, a study shows that

teenagers

Use synonyms

how are playing video games over than three hours a day are more ability to commit violent crimes. Some

people

Use synonyms

believe that we should punish adolescents and treat them as adults.

Instead

Linking Words

of treating them as criminals, we can invest in them and put them in rehabilitation facilities where they can improve their

Use synonyms

behaviours

Fix the agreement mistake

behaviour

show examples

to the best.

In addition

Linking Words

, governments can invest in these young

people

Use synonyms

in rehabilitation by teaching them the primary subjects and

train

Wrong verb form

training

show examples

them to focus on studying. After making

teenagers

Use synonyms

spend their time in these facilities, they will use the knowledge that they learned to build their country, and they are going to be useful

for

Change preposition

show examples

the community.

For example

Linking Words

, the Japanese government invests in

teenagers

Use synonyms

who have committed many crimes and engages them

Change preposition

show examples

volunteer work, which helps them to improve their skills and serve their society. In conclusion, we do not have to treat the young

people

Use synonyms

as criminals and forget about the causes of their

behaviours

Use synonyms

, and

instead

Linking Words

of putting them in jail, we can invest in them by putting them in rehabilitation facilities and

improve

Wrong verb form

improving

show examples

their talents to serve their country.

demax1khalid

Jul 25, 2025

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Coherence and Cohesion

Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea that connects to your overall argument. It helps the reader understand your essay better.

Coherence and Cohesion

Try to use more linking words to connect your ideas. Words like 'firstly', 'in addition', and 'for example' can help with flow.

Task Achievement

Provide clearer examples to support your points. For instance, specify what kind of rehabilitation programs could be useful.

Task Achievement

Make sure your ideas are clearly explained. Each point should be detailed enough to show how it supports your argument.

Task Achievement

You have a clear stance in your essay which is important in IELTS writing.

Coherence and Cohesion

Your essay has a logical flow from introduction to conclusion, which makes it easier to follow.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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6
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
14
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

376 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

youth
crime
punishment
robbery
violence
adult
reform
chance
brain
developing
harm
legal
response
deterrent
consequences
understand
background
approach
strong
serious

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Young people who commit serous crimes, such as a robbery or a biolent attack should be punished in the same way as adults. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

Your opinion

Some people say History is one the most important school subjects. Other people think that, in today’s world, subjects like Science and Technology are more important than History. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Children are facing more pressure nowadays from an academic, social and commercial perspective. What are the causes of these pressures and what measures should be taken to reduce these pressures?

Some people think that the government is wasting money on the arts and that this money could be better spent elsewhere. To what extend do you agree …

It is important for people to take risks, both in their professional lives and their personal lives. Do you think the advantageous of taking risks outweigh the disadvantageous?