IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think it is better to spend and enjoy their money once they earn it. Others think it is better to save their money and enjoy it in the future. Which stand do you agree with and why? Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion.

Dear
sir
Fix capitalization
Sir
show examples
, I am Gaurvi Verma
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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residing
Wrong verb form
I reside
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 in
model
Fix capitalization
Model Town
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town
Punctuation problem
town,
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 where you are going to start the renovation of the
school
Use synonyms
. I would be happy to be a part of your
team
Use synonyms
. I was wondering if you wanted me to help you
for
Change preposition
with
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 renovating the
school
Use synonyms
 building. I am
the
Correct article usage
a
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 member of the volunteer
team
Use synonyms
who
Correct pronoun usage
that
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support
Correct subject-verb agreement
supports
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 many
charities
Fix the agreement mistake
charity
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 clubs to reform the public areas of
city
Correct article usage
the city
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. In fact,
i
Fix capitalization
I
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 have already helped to clean many local parks and roads
last
Linking Words
 year.
Moreover
Linking Words
, I completed my elementary education
from
Change preposition
at
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 the same
school
Use synonyms
 where the renovation is going to start. It would be
great
Correct article usage
a great
show examples
 opportunity to do
something
Use the right word
some
show examples
 great
work
Use synonyms
 for our
school
Use synonyms
. As for help, I will easily gather all the required material
in
Change preposition
at
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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affordable rates because I know many shopkeepers,
Correct pronoun usage
who proving
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proving
Verb problem
provide
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 some material
with
Change preposition
of
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 good quality and on time. Even my
team
Use synonyms
 members are
also
Linking Words
 interested
to be
Change preposition
in being
show examples
 a part of
this
Linking Words
work
Use synonyms
; it is a great chance to complete
this
Linking Words
work
Use synonyms
 in
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 short span of time.
Apart from
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
, we would
also
Linking Words
 provide some financial help in order to complete
this
Linking Words
 project in a better way. I
have
Verb problem
am
show examples
 totally free from
work
Use synonyms
due to
Linking Words
 summer vacation and I am available from 1 August
to till
Change preposition
until
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 30 September. It would be no hassle for me to
work
Use synonyms
 more than 8 hours
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a day and
also
Linking Words
 on
weekend
Fix the agreement mistake
weekends
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. I hope
this
Linking Words
 letter is enough to describe
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
myself
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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It
Correct pronoun usage
I
show examples
 would be thankful if you
give
Verb problem
could give
show examples
permission
Correct pronoun usage
me permission
show examples
 to be a part of your
team
Use synonyms
. Yours faithfully, Gaurvi

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task response
Your letter could start with a clearer opening statement that directly states your intention to help with the renovation. Consider rephrasing your first paragraph so it clearly explains what you want to do.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure every paragraph includes a clear main idea. Sometimes, your points can be mixed or unclear. Try to separate your ideas clearly with one point per paragraph to make them easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Try to use transition words (like 'first', 'next', 'finally') to help your ideas flow better. This will make your writing easier to read.
task achievement
Provide specific examples that relate directly to your skills or previous experiences, so your points are stronger and more convincing.
task achievement
Your willingness to help and your previous volunteer experience are very positive and show commitment. This is a strong point in your letter.
coherence and cohesion
You have a good structure for your letter with clear paragraphs, and I can see each paragraph has a purpose. This is a good way to convey your message.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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