IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people say that advertising is extremely successful at persuading us buy things. Other people think that is so common that we no longer pay attention to it. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion

A controversial issue today relates to whether advertisements have a great impact on our purchase
decision
Fix the agreement mistake
decisions
show examples
 or they are becoming so familiar that we rarely notice them.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss both sides of
this
Linking Words
 argument
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
then
Linking Words
 I will give my own
perspectives
Fix the agreement mistake
perspective
show examples
. On the one hand, there are
people
Use synonyms
 who argue that advertising activities play an important role in our purchases. The primary reason for
this
Linking Words
 belief is that consumers tend to buy
products
Use synonyms
 promoted by celebrities or
people
Use synonyms
 with
big
Correct article usage
a big
show examples
influences
Fix the agreement mistake
influence
show examples
 on social media platforms
such
Linking Words
 as
Tiktok
Use the right word
TikTok
show examples
 or Instagram. The fact is that lots of ordinary
people
Use synonyms
 trust their idols and are willing to buy anything they recommend. Another cause is the frequent appearance of these goods on various channels to potential purchasers, which triggers them to buy advertised
products
Use synonyms
.
In addition
Linking Words
, promotional programs
also
Linking Words
 affect the buying
decision
Fix the agreement mistake
decisions
show examples
 of some individuals.
People
Use synonyms
, in general, prefer goods offered with incentives
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
 the higher the discount
is
Verb problem
apply
show examples
, the more
products
Use synonyms
 are sold.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, it is argued that in recent
years
Punctuation problem
years,
show examples
 advertisements are so widespread that they do not draw much attention from viewers anymore. In fact, we are all overwhelmed by the majority of advertisements on different means of media
such
Linking Words
 as television, social media or even public places like billboards or bus stops.
As a result
Linking Words
, most customers are highly likely to forget adverts about
products
Use synonyms
 or services that they have ever been exposed to. More than that, many companies apply the puffery technique in introducing their
products
Use synonyms
 to customers
so
Punctuation problem
, so
show examples
 smart users are becoming more cautious /aware before making any shopping decisions. In conclusion, even though many
people
Use synonyms
 suppose that advertising activities are not successful anymore, I still hold a firm belief that they
still
Rephrase
apply
show examples
have a profound impact on customers’ decisions.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Make sure to clearly state your opinion in the introduction. It helps to guide the reader.
coherence cohesion
Try to use transition words to connect your ideas better. This makes your essay easier to follow.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples or statistics to support your points. It can make your argument stronger.
task achievement
You present both sides of the argument well, showing a good understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are present and structured well, wrapping up your ideas.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • persuade
  • promote
  • attract
  • influence
  • impact
  • consumerism
  • commercialism
  • market
  • product
  • brand
  • endorsement
  • manipulative
  • saturated
  • overwhelmed
  • repetitive
  • distracting
  • irrelevant
  • exaggerated
  • misleading
  • desensitized
What to do next:
Look at other essays: