IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

In some countries, an increasing number of people are suffering from health problems as a result of eating too much fast food. It is therefore necessary for governments to impose a higher tax on this kind of food. The increasing appearance of the junk-food has caused the citizen’s health risks/ threats To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

An escalating number of individuals are coping with health-related problems
due to
Linking Words
 extensive fast-
food
Use synonyms
 consumption. Some
people
Use synonyms
 believe that the government should levy heavier
taxes
Use synonyms
 on
this
Linking Words
 type of
food
Use synonyms
. I completely agree with
this
Linking Words
 initiative. In my opinion,
this
Linking Words
 policy can bring positive changes and some challenges. High
taxes
Use synonyms
 directly affect average-income working
people
Use synonyms
. Common fast-
food
Use synonyms
 brands like KFC, McDonald’s can raise their prices, so
people
Use synonyms
 have to consider more carefully. They need
food
Use synonyms
 which is fast, convenient, and affordable, but higher
taxes
Use synonyms
 make their choices more limited. To deal with
this
Linking Words
 burden,
people
Use synonyms
 can work harder, save money, cut down their expenditure or switch their eating
behavior
Use the right word
behaviour
show examples
. If working-class individuals struggle with high
taxes
Use synonyms
 for a long time, they can feel stressed and under pressure.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 situation can diminish productivity and harm social well-being. Another benefit is that stricter tax policies on junk
food
Use synonyms
 can improve public health. As
people
Use synonyms
 eat less unhealthy
food
Use synonyms
, the number of cases related to obesity and heart disease can be curbed.
Besides
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 approach
also
Linking Words
 encourages healthy eating habits in the long term for the community.
Instead
Linking Words
 of buying fast
food
Use synonyms
,
people
Use synonyms
 can cook at home or eat healthier meals.
As a result
Linking Words
, public health can be significantly enhanced
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 healthcare costs can be reduced. In conclusion, the policy of introducing increased taxation on processed
food
Use synonyms
 is a great solution.
Although
Linking Words
 it has some financial drawbacks, it
also
Linking Words
 helps
people
Use synonyms
 lead a healthier lifestyle.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Expand your ideas with more examples or details to support your points.
coherence and cohesion
Improve the flow between your ideas by using linking words more effectively.
task achievement
Your introduction clearly states your opinion and frames the topic well.
coherence and cohesion
You provide a good conclusion that summarizes your main points.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: