IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2

Some people beleive that nowadays we have too many choices. To what extent do you agree or diagree with this statement. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience

Few humans these days have a lot of
choices
Use synonyms
. I agree we all have
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
numerous
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
options
Use synonyms
 we can choose from
them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
,
although
Linking Words
 I
also
Linking Words
 believe some
people
Use synonyms
think
Verb problem
apply
show examples
will disagree.
Overall
Linking Words
, the essay will argue why
people
Use synonyms
 think that they have many
options
Use synonyms
. On one hand,
people
Use synonyms
 imagine that they have
choices
Use synonyms
. There are many things in our life that have
countless
Correct article usage
a countless
show examples
 number of
options
Use synonyms
,
Punctuation problem
.
show examples
For example
Linking Words
, when we graduate from high school We
got
Verb problem
have
show examples
 a lot of
options
Use synonyms
 to select from , like getting to university or going to work or even both.
However
Linking Words
, Many of us got the chance to decide what to choose.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, they believe that we do not have
choices
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, they did not get a way to select from them.
For example
Linking Words
, when they tried to find a
jod
Correct your spelling
job
, they did not find a job,because
that
Correct determiner usage
those
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 think that they did not
get
Verb problem
have
show examples
options
Use synonyms
.
To sum up
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 essay argues
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
why some
people
Use synonyms
 today have a lot of
choices
Use synonyms
. I agree
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
that some
people
Use synonyms
 got the opportunity to select their future
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 others did not get
this
Linking Words
 opportunity.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Improve the introduction by clearly stating your opinion on whether you agree or disagree with having too many choices.
task achievement
Add more clear points that support your opinion and explain them in detail.
coherence and cohesion
Use more linking words (like 'firstly', 'next', 'finally') to make connections between ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Correct spelling and grammar mistakes, for example, 'jod' should be 'job' and 'numerous of options' should be 'numerous options'.
supported main points
You raised a good point about choices after high school, which many people can relate to.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: