IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The best way to tackle traffic and pollution problems is to encourage people to live in cities rather than in the countryside. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Traffic
Use synonyms
 congestion and pollution have become pressing issues in many countries, especially in urban
areas
Use synonyms
. Some argue that encouraging
people
Use synonyms
 to live in
cities
Use synonyms
 rather than in the countryside is the most effective solution to these problems. I completely agree with
this
Linking Words
 idea, primarily because it can reduce long-distance commuting and improve access to public transportation.
Firstly
Linking Words
, when more
people
Use synonyms
 live closer to city centers, they are less likely to depend on private vehicles for daily travel. Many individuals who reside in rural
areas
Use synonyms
 must drive long distances to reach their workplaces, which contributes to both
traffic
Use synonyms
 congestion and air pollution. By living in
cities
Use synonyms
,
people
Use synonyms
 can walk, cycle, or
use
Use synonyms
 nearby facilities, which significantly lowers their carbon footprint.
For example
Linking Words
, residents in central
areas
Use synonyms
 often have grocery stores, offices, and schools within walking distance, making car
use
Use synonyms
 unnecessary for short trips.
Secondly
Linking Words
,
cities
Use synonyms
 offer better infrastructure that supports environmentally friendly transportation. Most urban
areas
Use synonyms
 provide efficient public transport systems
such
Linking Words
 as subways, buses, or light rail, which can carry large numbers of passengers and reduce the number of cars on the road. When
people
Use synonyms
 live in
areas
Use synonyms
 well-served by these systems, they are more likely to
use
Use synonyms
 them
instead
Linking Words
 of driving.
This
Linking Words
 shift not only reduces emissions but
also
Linking Words
 makes
traffic
Use synonyms
 flow more manageable. In conclusion, I strongly agree that encouraging
people
Use synonyms
 to live in
cities
Use synonyms
 is one of the best ways to solve
traffic
Use synonyms
 and pollution problems. By
minimizing
Use the right word
minimising
show examples
 the need for private vehicles and promoting the
use
Use synonyms
 of public transport, urban living can lead to more sustainable and less congested communities.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
You could add more examples to support your points, especially in the second paragraph, to strengthen your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Try to use more linking words to connect your ideas better, making the essay flow smoothly.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which is great for structure.
coherence and cohesion
You presented your ideas logically, making it easy to follow your argument.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: