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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people believe that children should not be given homework everyday, while others believe that they must get homework everyday in order to be successful at school. Discuss both sides and give your opinion

While
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 it is often argued that
homework
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 should not be assigned to children every day at
school
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, others think
in
Correct word choice
that in
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 order to achieve good results, it is a must. In my view, assigning
homework
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 to
students
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 daily will improve their focus and keep them away from distractions. On the one hand, people who think children ought not to be given daily
homework
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 may have a point.
Firstly
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, developing a child’s creative skills is as important as their academic progress. If they are pressurised too much to complete studies on their own after
school
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, it might lead to
few
Correct article usage
a few
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 detrimental problems among them,
such
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 as anxiety and unfulfilled desires.
Furthermore
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, their exposure outside the classroom is
also
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 of significance. Learning a new instrument or playing a sport is likely to help
in developing
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develop
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 well-rounded individuals.
On the other hand
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, owing to the rapid growth of technology, children today are more distracted than ever before. The use of mobile phones and computer games can wreak havoc
in
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on
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 young
developing
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, developing
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 minds.
Therefore
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, to keep these problems at bay,
school
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 studies at home need to be done daily.
This
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 would aid in ensuring
students
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 maintain their progress throughout their education and help in keeping them focused.
Moreover
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, art and music are
also
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 being considered today at many schools as important as other subjects.
In other words
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, schools are
also
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 willing to take responsibility outside academics
as well
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apply
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.
To conclude
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,
students
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 provided with free time after
school
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 without
homework
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 have the
facility
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opportunity
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 to learn a range of new skills and try hobbies.
Nevertheless
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, in today’s world , we should be wary of the distractions
students
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 face and
hence
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, in my opinion, assigning
homework
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 to
students
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 is highly beneficial for them as they continue to develop their knowledge and keep learning new skills.

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea. Use a topic sentence at the start of each paragraph to help guide the reader.
task achievement
Try to add more examples to support your ideas, especially in the second side of the argument.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that sentences flow smoothly into each other. Consider using linking words to connect your ideas better.
task achievement
You provided a balanced discussion of both sides of the argument, which is important in this type of essay.
task achievement
Your introduction clearly states your opinion, which helps the reader understand your position from the start.
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