It is important for people to take risks, both in their professional lives and their personal lives. Do you think the advantages of taking risks outweigh the disadvantages?

Nothing ventured, nothing gained.
According to
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this
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idiom, risk-taking is like blood,
considering
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whether in private or business life.
While
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common life can be beneficial for some reasons, it seems to be professional life outweighs. One of the main advantages is the significant growth of progress over a regular period of time. In essence, taking risks can play a pivotal role as an accelerated agent to reach the market share overnight. One instance to exemplify
this
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is the Xiaomi company, a big, well-known manufacturer of mobile phones, which could overcome the global market share at least for two years, with just risk-taking plans.
Thus
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,
although
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,
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risk-taking sounds dangerous, it could act as a strengthening point.
By contrast
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, there is a crucial threatening factor, resulting in the business breaking down in the future. To elaborate, a risk ventured could end up with bankruptcy, one of the major issues, leading to the loss of everything.
For instance
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, GLX, as a huge tissue producer, owing to inaccuracy
managment
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management
, was turned into an inevitable bankruptcy, resulting in factory closure.
Therefore
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, not only might risks have a reverse outcome, but
it
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they
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may
also
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lead to a big misery.
To sum up
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,
however
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, both the merits and the demerits should be considered as a serious point in people's lives. I personally reckon risk-taking should be applied in a career,
in particular
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, to reap the reward in the future.

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task achievement
Your main ideas need to be clearer and better explained. Try to provide stronger arguments and connect them to your conclusion more effectively.
coherence and cohesion
The organization of your essay could be improved. Make sure each paragraph has a clear main point and flows naturally to the next one.
introduction and conclusion
You provided a good introduction and made an effort to summarize your views in the conclusion.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Opportunities
  • Growth
  • Innovation
  • Challenges
  • Self-discovery
  • Resilience
  • Uncertainty
  • Consequences
  • Calculated risks
  • Stagnation
  • Regret
  • Comfort zone
  • Entrepreneurship
  • Adventurous spirit
  • Thriving
  • Failure
  • Mitigate
  • Reap the rewards
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