IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subjects. Others believe it is more important to give all their time and attention to studying for a qualification. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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In recent years, the content of
university
Correct article usage
the university
show examples
 curriculum has become a heated topic. Some people believe that universities should encourage
students
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 to learn various
subjects
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 for their work flexibility,
while
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 others argue that it is more vital to allow
students
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 to focus on their main
subjects
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. In
this
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 essay, I will examine both perspectives and as far as I am concerned, I agree with learning multiple
subjects
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. Studying only a major subject may offer various benefits. learning
students
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’ main
subjects
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 might increase their expertise in their fields.
For example
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,
computer
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 engineering
students
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 can focus on their future
career
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-related studies,
such
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 as
computer
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 programming and data science, to become specialists in their work line and align with the
job
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 market demands.
As a result
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,
students
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 can improve their employability and be able to apply for higher-paying jobs and have better
career
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 advancement opportunities
such
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 as
computer
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 specialists or
computer
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 engineering directors. Another significant advantage is increasing study efficiency.
students
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 can focus and concentrate on their major subject.
Students
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 might have more time to practise their skills and research projects which provide deeper and more specialised
knowledge
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.
Consequently
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, they might have higher opportunities to build better resumes and attract employers.
On the other hand
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, some others argue that
students
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 should learn multiple
subjects
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 to broaden their perspectives.
For example
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, in some working fields, especially search engine optimizers, candidates need to merge marketing and
computer
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 background
knowledge
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.
Therefore
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, they can connect different ideas from different fields to create new innovations and better work.
Additionally
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, Exposure to many
subjects
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 can make
students
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 more flexible and adaptable, allowing them for easier
career
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 shifts.
For example
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, some content creators with marketing
knowledge
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 can change their
career
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 path to receive higher income and gain more
job
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 progress.
Moreover
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,
Due to
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job
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 market fluctuation,
students
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 with a wider
knowledge
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 background might open up their
career
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 path opportunities in different roles and industries.
As a result
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,
students
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 can shift to new positions more easily. In conclusion, I support educational institutions to provide specialised
subjects
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 to enhance student’s skills comprehensively to align with
job
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 market demands.
However
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, It is crucial for universities to strike a balance in their curriculums to increase
students
Use synonyms
’ employability and broaden their perspectives.

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coherence cohesion
To improve cohesion, consider using a greater variety of linking words and phrases. Although the essay is mostly well-organized, a wider range of cohesive devices can make the essay flow even more smoothly.
task achievement
Ensure a precise balance between the two views throughout the body paragraphs. The essay can be further enriched by providing more counterarguments and addressing possible drawbacks of each perspective.
task achievement
Using slightly more sophisticated vocabulary and varying sentence structures would enhance your task response and coherence. This can add depth and nuance to the essay, making it more engaging for the reader.
coherence cohesion
The essay presents a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively addressing both perspectives and summarizing the writer's opinion.
task achievement
Examples are relevant and effectively illustrate the main points. For instance, mentioning computer engineering and content creators helps the reader understand the arguments better.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure is clear, with distinct paragraphs for different points of view. This makes the essay easy to follow.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Broaden
  • Perspectives
  • Specialize
  • Critical thinking
  • Problem-solving skills
  • Career success
  • Interdisciplinary connections
  • Structured path
  • Clear goals
  • Creativity
  • Innovation
  • Academic credibility
  • Recognition
  • Balance
  • Exploring
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