IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In many countries, traditional foods are being replaced by fast food. This has a negative impact on families, individuals and society. To what extent do you agree / disagree? You should use your own ideas, knowledge and experience and support your arguments with examples and relevant evidence.

Nowadays, fast
food
Use synonyms
 has become more popular than traditional
foods
Use synonyms
 in most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
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countries.
Does
Correct subject-verb agreement
Do
show examples
 processed
foods
Use synonyms
 actually have a severe effect on people? There are some notions that believe modern
food
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 gives
more
Correct article usage
a more
show examples
 efficient lifestyle for
community
Correct article usage
the community
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.
However
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, I totally agree that fast
food
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 should be strictly controlled by the government because it has less nutrition that can lower individuals' health quality. Many people love fast
food
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due to
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 its
time-efficiency
Use the right word
time efficiency
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, relatively affordable price and delectable taste.
For example
Linking Words
, someone can enjoy a McDonald's
big mac
Fix capitalization
Big Mac
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 burger
only for
Correct word order
for only
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Rp40.000
Correct your spelling
Rp40,000
 and in around 10 minutes of serving.
However
Linking Words
, the meal contains
high
Correct article usage
a high
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 level of fat and
natrium
Correct your spelling
sodium
 that are hazardous to health.
On the other hand
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, there
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 only
small
Correct article usage
a small
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 portion of healthy nutrients in a serving of a burger. If it is consumed regularly, people can suffer health problems
such
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 as obesity.
Moreover
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,
mostly
Use the right word
most
show examples
 fast
foods
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 consist of meals that originated from foreign countries.
For instance
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, a brand 'Subway' sells an American sandwich and 'Yoshinoya'
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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provide
Correct subject-verb agreement
provides
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 a Japanese bowl
rice
Change preposition
of rice
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. If those brands
dominated
Wrong verb form
dominate
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Use synonyms
food
Correct article usage
the food
show examples
 and beverage market in a country, the traditional
food
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 business will be threatened because it will lessen
sales
Correct article usage
the sales
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 revenue of local small enterprises.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, a country
Linking Words
also can
Correct word order
can also
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lose its cultural identity because some types of cooking may be forgotten and
vanished
Wrong verb form
vanish
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. In conclusion, the government must make policies that can save traditional
foods
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 to protect local businesses and to save its national identity. If local meals can be preserved, it will bring many vast benefits for a nation, not only economically, but
also
Linking Words
 from many other
Linking Words
such
Check wording
aspects such
show examples
 as cultural and tourism.

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coherence and cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has one clear main idea that connects directly to your thesis.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words to help guide the reader through your argument.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples or evidence to support your points.
task achievement
Make sure to address all parts of the question clearly in your introduction and throughout the essay.
task achievement
Your introduction clearly states your position on the topic.
task achievement
The conclusion effectively summarizes your main points and makes a strong recommendation.
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