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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that parents should teach their children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the best place to learn this. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Parents
Use synonyms
 ought to teach their
children
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on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
how to be respectable individuals is a belief many have.
However
Linking Words
, other
people
Use synonyms
have
Verb problem
apply
show examples
disagree and think that it is not the
Use synonyms
parents
Check wording
parents'
show examples
 job, but rather the
school
Use synonyms
. I believe that a balance between teaching at
home
Use synonyms
 and learning in
school
Use synonyms
. Many members of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
Use synonyms
 in different cultures and groups agree that it is the
Use synonyms
parents
Check wording
parents'
show examples
 responsibility to teach their
children
Use synonyms
 and not somewhere else. One could argue and
says
Correct subject-verb agreement
say
show examples
 that since the
parents
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 feed, bathe, and provide
comfortable
Correct article usage
a comfortable
show examples
 way of living for their
children
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,
then
Linking Words
 they may as well raise them
good
Change the adjective
well
show examples
.
Also
Linking Words
,
children
Use synonyms
, more
than often
Correct word order
often than not
show examples
, spend most of their
times
Fix the agreement mistake
time
show examples
 at
home
Use synonyms
, so it is suitable that a parent would teach them.
This
Linking Words
 indicates that kids will reciprocate in terms of behaviour and navigating emotions what they observe directly from their family, especially
parents
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.
For instance
Linking Words
, when a young boy notices that every time his mother leaves for work not before
checking
Wrong verb form
checks
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 that
ate
Wrong verb form
they have eaten
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 their breakfast
including
Punctuation problem
, including
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 the pets,
this
Linking Words
 repeated action leaves no chance for someone not to develop care towards their family.
On the contrary
Linking Words
, many
people
Use synonyms
 carry with them the genuine belief that
school
Use synonyms
 is where
children
Use synonyms
 should be taught.
This
Linking Words
 reason could be attributed to the conditions many of those
people
Use synonyms
 grew up in. If I was not taught at
home
Use synonyms
 how to be a good member of
society
Use synonyms
,
then
Linking Words
 surely at
school
Use synonyms
, is what some would say in
favor
Use the right word
favour
show examples
 of
school
Use synonyms
 being the best ground for girls and boys to
learnn
Correct your spelling
learn
.
In addition
Linking Words
, not everyone has the fortune to be taught at
home
Use synonyms
 by their
parents
Use synonyms
, so many adults think it is only fair. Not only
it
Verb problem
does it
show examples
provides
Wrong verb form
provide
show examples
 an equal chance, but
Linking Words
also
Correct pronoun usage
it also
show examples
 exposes
children
Use synonyms
 to different environments and
people
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.
For example
Linking Words
, a kid will learn how to treat others fairly by witnessing it firsthand at
school
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 lunch, where everyone
stand
Correct subject-verb agreement
stands
show examples
 in line and patiently
wait
Correct subject-verb agreement
waits
show examples
 for their turn. It can be seen that raising future
society
Use synonyms
 members
leave
Correct subject-verb agreement
leaves
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 with different ideas on how to navigate it. Some think it is the
Use synonyms
parents
Check wording
parents'
show examples
 role,
while
Linking Words
 others think
school
Use synonyms
 is where
children
Use synonyms
 will learn how to be great
people
Use synonyms
.
Finally
Linking Words
, in my opinion, I agree with the
arguements
Correct your spelling
arguments
 of both views.
Hence
Linking Words
, I think a combination of parental supervision
as well as
Linking Words
 the
school
Use synonyms
's support and guidance is what will result in
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
better
society
Use synonyms
 members.

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task achievement
Make sure your introduction clearly states your opinion at the end. This will guide your reader.
coherence and cohesion
Use more linking words (e.g., 'however', 'for example') to connect ideas smoothly.
coherence and cohesion
Try to make your paragraphs more clearly focused on one main idea each.
task achievement
You provided examples to support your points, which is very good!
coherence and cohesion
You discussed both perspectives well, showing an understanding of the topic.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • good members of society
  • teach
  • parents
  • schools
  • responsibility
  • values
  • respect
  • empathy
  • responsibility
  • formal education
  • citizenship
  • ethics
  • social responsibility
  • lead by example
  • role models
  • conducive environment
  • extracurricular activities
  • community involvement
  • collaborate
  • holistic approach
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