"In some countries university students live at home with their family while they study, whereas in other countries students attend university in another city. Do you think the benefits of living away from home during university outweigh the disadvantages?

Society has changed a great deal, especially in the world of education.
Students
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seek academic opportunities away from
home
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. In some countries,
students
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live in other cities
while
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attending university , away from their families.
This
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essay will examine do I think the benefits of living away from
home
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during university outweigh the disadvantages. On the one hand, there are several advantages when
students
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choose to study away from
home
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.
Firstly
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, they can focus on their studies.
For example
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, they will be alone without any noise or annoyance.
Also
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, they will get a better degree.
Secondly
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, living close to campus can save time
,
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apply
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and effort. To illustrate, they can walk to college easily.
Moreover
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, they do not have to be stuck in traffic jams.
Finally
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, they can develop their life skills.
For instance
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, they will be free to create and manage daily schedules.
On the other hand
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, there are a few disadvantages to living and studying away from
home
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. First of all,
students
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will incur increased expenses.
For example
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, they have to pay rent
as well as
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tuition.
In addition
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, they will need to buy food, clothes and many other essentials.
Second,
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they will feel homesick.
For instance
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, they will be alone
while
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missing their family.
Last
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but not least, they may have no time to complete life tasks. To illustrate, they will not be able to cook or wash clothes or clean their own rooms. In conclusion, it is clear to see that there are many benefits of living away from
home
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for
students
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during university.
However
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, I think the disadvantages obviously outweigh the advantages.

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task achievement
Your introduction is clear, but try to rephrase the question instead of just repeating it. It helps to engage the reader better.
task achievement
You have good points, but they need more support. Add more details or examples to explain your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a basic structure, but it can be more fluid. Use linking words, like 'firstly' and 'however', more effectively to connect your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to separate your points clearly. Each paragraph should focus on one main idea and make it clear before moving to the next.
task achievement
You clearly outline the advantages and disadvantages, which shows understanding of the topic.
coherence and cohesion
Your paragraphs generally have a clear topic, making it easy for the reader to follow your thoughts.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • independence
  • self-reliance
  • finance management
  • exposure
  • broaden horizons
  • open-minded
  • adaptability
  • conducive environment
  • isolation
  • homesickness
  • financial burden
  • household duties
  • academic responsibilities
  • personal growth
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