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Writing Samples
Band 6

The first table chart below show changes in the total population of New York City from 1800 to 2000. The second and third table show changes in the population of the five districts of the city (Manhatten, Bronx, Queens, Staten Island) over the same period.Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The first table chart below show changes in the total population of New York City from 1800 to 2000. The second and third table show changes in the population of the five districts of the city (Manhatten, Bronx, Queens, Staten Island) over the same period.Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The given three tables illustrate the changes in the
population
Use synonyms
 of New York
City
Use synonyms
 as a whole and its five boroughs
namely
Punctuation problem
, namely
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Manhattan
Use synonyms
, Brooklyn, Bronx,
Queen
Fix the agreement mistake
Queens
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,
Staten
Correct word choice
and Staten
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 Island
over
Punctuation problem
, over
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 the period of 200 years starting from 1800.
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 the
Linking Words
overall
Correct word choice
apply
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number of residents witnessed an upward trend over the two decades.
While
Linking Words
Manhattan
Use synonyms
 was the most populous district in 1800, its share of the
city
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’s
population
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 showed a downward trend, as other boroughs experienced significant growth, especially during the 20th century. In 1800, New York
Use synonyms
city
Fix capitalization
City
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has
Wrong verb form
had
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 just 79,216 residents, and
Manhattan
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 alone made up 76% of that figure, with more than 60,000 people. The other four boroughs combined had fewer than 19,000 residents, accounting for only 24%. By 1900, the number of individuals living in
Use synonyms
city
Correct article usage
the city
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 increased
considerbly
Correct your spelling
considerably
 to over 3,437,202.
Although
Linking Words
Manhattan
Use synonyms
 still held the largest
population
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, with about 1,850.093 people, its percentage dropped to 54%, as the other districts began to expand. In 2000, the aggregate
population
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 in New York
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city
Fix capitalization
City
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 reached 8,009,185.
Manhattan
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's share had declined substantially to only 19% of the total
population
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 the other districts had expanded their collective share to 81%, at 1,538,096 compared to 6,471,089, respectively.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "overall, while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words population, city, manhattan with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "changes" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.
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