IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some experts believe that it is better for children to begin learning a foreign language at primary school rather than a secondary school. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

Some argue that voluntary
works
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work
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 should
add
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be added
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 to
high
Correct article usage
the high
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 school curriculum as a mandatory service.
While
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 I firmly agree with
this
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 proposal, since it would enhance
student's
Check wording
students'
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 skills in personal and professional
lives
Use synonyms
, I believe that these programmes must possess strategic plans to prevent
from
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apply
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challenges, which lead to wasting
individual's
Check wording
individuals'
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 time. There exist various reasons as a powerful testament to indicate
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this
Correct word choice
that this
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 approach is efficient. To
embark
Verb problem
begin
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, these activities offer unique opportunities, which contribute
youngers
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apply
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to shaping their personality and
recognizing
Use the right word
recognising
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citizen
Correct pronoun usage
their citizen
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 responsibilities.
Moreover
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, engaging in these programs results in promoting their skills, including critical thinking, leadership, communication and teamworking, all of which bring
a
Correct article usage
apply
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development not only in their future life, but
also
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 in
the
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apply
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society. As an example, research shows that people who have participated in social activities present remarkable features, which have helped them make
a
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apply
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progress and possess
high
Correct article usage
a high
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 level in their career.
Hence
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,
this
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 proposal empowers participants in various aspects of
Use synonyms
lives
Correct pronoun usage
their lives
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,
which enable
Wrong verb form
enabling
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 them to become
success
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successful
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 in their
lives
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.
On the other hand
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, there are some challenges
,
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apply
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 which reduce the performance of the subject. To
being
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begin with
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,
according to
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,
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apply
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 high school is a
gold
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golden
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 period for students, when they
determinate
Replace the word
determine
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 their
Use synonyms
lives
Check wording
life's
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 way
, if
Punctuation problem
. If
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 there are
not
Rephrase
no
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 strategic plans, it would be responsible for mental issues
such
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 as stress, since they lose their
times
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time
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, which
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
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 been
devote
Wrong verb form
devoted
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 to
study
Wrong verb form
studying
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.
For instance
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, Basij in Iran, a voluntary
company
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organisation
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,
dedicating
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dedicated
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 to
resolve
Wrong verb form
resolving
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 social challenges.
However
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,
due to
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 its bad managers, parents do not tend to allow their children to participate in their activities.
Thus
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, meticulously planning as a vital factor plays a crucial role in the efficiency of the assertion.
To sum up
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, from my vantage point,
although
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 there exist some problems
,
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apply
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 which can
resolve
Wrong verb form
be resolved
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them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
, the proposal
possess
Correct subject-verb agreement
possesses
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 remarkable points, which
they
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apply
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not only help bodies achieve success in personal and professional
lives
Use synonyms
, but
also
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 empower them to make a developing society.

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea and focus on that throughout. This will help improve coherence in your essay.
task achievement
Add more relevant examples to support your points better. This will enhance your argument and make it clearer.
language accuracy
Ensure you proofread your work for grammatical errors. Small mistakes can distract from your ideas and overall quality.
task achievement
You present a clear opinion on the topic and support it with some good points.
coherence and cohesion
Your use of paragraphs makes it easy to follow your ideas and structure your essay.

Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic

IELTS advantages and disadvantages questions normally give you a statement and ask you to comment on the advantages and disadvantages of that statement.

Answer structure for the type of essay

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – advantages
  • Body paragraph 2 – disadvantages
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • The main advantage is...
  • The disadvantage of this...
  • The main benefit...
  • Despite these advantages...
  • One possible drawback...

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • cognitive abilities
  • pronunciation
  • self-conscious
  • cultural awareness
  • global society
  • proficiency levels
  • competitive job market
  • foundational skills
  • qualified teachers
  • recreational activities
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