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Writing Samples
Band 6

SOME PEOPLE THINK THAT IT IS good to share as much information as possible in scientific research, business and the academic world. others believe that some information is too important or too valuable to be shared freely. give me IELTS band 9 writings with easy words

Some people believe that sharing all kinds of
information
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 with the public in fields like scientific research,
business
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 , and the academic world can improve innovation and growth.
On the other hand
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, others argue that certain
information
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 is too sensitive and valuable to be shared freely. In
this
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 essay, I will discuss both views and give my opinion on why I believe some
information
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 should be kept private. Supporters of free
information
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 sharing say that it leads to increased innovation and growth
of
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for
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 the people. Sharing
information
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 in the field of scientific research can help researchers to build better quality
of
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apply
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progress.
Additionally
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, in the educational sector, a vast amount of
information
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 can help to increase the learning productivity of the students and teachers.
Moreover
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, in the
business
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 sector, entrepreneur can find new innovative ideas for their
business
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. At the same time, many people believe that not all
information
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 should be shared openly.
For instance
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, it can cause problems if an idea about producing harmful chemicals is shared with the public. It should be kept private to avoid misuse. In
business
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, a company's secret strategy should be protected, or it could lose money.
In addition
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, in the academic field, students should learn more by doing research, not just
copy ready
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copy-and-paste
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 answers. In conclusion,
while
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 sharing
information
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 leads to progress in science,
business
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 and education, not all knowledge should be open to everyone. Sometimes it brings harmful effects to society.
Therefore
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, it is important to share knowledge wisely and protect what is sensitive or valuable.

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coherence and cohesion
Your introduction clearly states the topic and your opinion, but try to rephrase it for more impact.
task achievement
In your body paragraphs, make sure to elaborate more on your examples to strengthen your arguments.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion is good, but you can restate your main point more strongly to leave a better final impression.
task achievement
You presented both sides of the argument well, showing understanding of the topic.
coherence and cohesion
Your ideas are structured logically, making it easy to follow your points.
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