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Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Today, more and more tourists re visiting places where conditions are difficult, such as the Sahara desert or the Antarctica. What are the benefits and disadvantages for tourists who visit such places?

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Introduction
These days, many tourists are visiting
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
historical
place
Fix the agreement mistake
places
show examples
 rather than local
people
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 essay will explain the reason
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
this
Linking Words
 case and offer proper solutions to mitigate
this
Linking Words
 issue.
Body paragraph 1
The main reason
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
this
Linking Words
 problem is that citizens are familiar with the exhibitions which are presented in historical
places
Use synonyms
. It is known that individuals have been seeing these exhibitions since their childhood and they do not want to see
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 things again.
Besides
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 have to pay money to enter
museums
Use synonyms
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 see
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 things again. For that reason, inhabitants prefer to spend their money
to visit
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on visiting
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 other entertaining
places
Use synonyms
instead
Linking Words
 of
museums
Use synonyms
.
Due to
Linking Words
 these
occasions
Add a comma
occasions,
show examples
 historical
sides
Use the right word
sites
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 are visited by more tourists than local
people
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.
Body paragraph 2
There are a number of measures that can allocate
this
Linking Words
. One of
Linking Words
this
Fix the agreement mistake
these
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 is to create a new environment for young visitors.
Government
Correct article usage
The government
show examples
 should create a modern device to produce
virtual
Correct article usage
a virtual
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 exhibition which can be interesting for
peoples
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
. After creating
new
Correct article usage
a new
show examples
 atmosphere, inhabitants may
interested
Verb problem
be interested
show examples
 in historical things and start to go
Use synonyms
museums
Change preposition
to museums
show examples
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 see exhibitions.
Furthemore
Correct your spelling
Furthermore
, if
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 create some discounts on holidays for all visitors, the number of local
people
Use synonyms
 who want to
go
Verb problem
visit
show examples
museums
Use synonyms
 will increase significantly.
Conclusion
In conclusion, creating
new
Correct article usage
a new
show examples
 atmosphere and
some
Verb problem
offering some
show examples
 discounts
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 all individuals can be good solutions to mitigate
this
Linking Words
 problem. After these
alternations
Use the right word
alterations
show examples
, inhabitants may pay more attention
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 historical
places
Use synonyms
instead
Linking Words
 of other
places
Use synonyms
.

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task response
Make sure to clearly introduce the main ideas in your introduction. You should state the problem and the solutions more clearly.
coherence and cohesion
Try to connect your ideas better. Use linking words like 'firstly', 'moreover', and 'finally' to help the flow of your essay.
task response
Provide more specific examples to support your points. For example, what kind of discounts would attract local people?
task response
You clearly identified a problem in your essay, which is good for guiding your readers.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion summarizes the main points well, making it clear what you believe are the solutions.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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