IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart below gives information on the percentage of British people giving money to charity by age range for the years 1990 and 2010.

The chart below gives information on the percentage of British people giving money to charity by age range for the years 1990 and 2010.
The bar chart illustrates the proportion of English people donating
money
Use synonyms
 to
charity
Use synonyms
 from different ages in 1990 and 2010. It is clearly observed that the highest
percentage
Use synonyms
 of giving
money
Use synonyms
 in 1990 was
adults
Change preposition
among adults
show examples
,
while
Linking Words
 in 2010, more elderly donated to
charity
Use synonyms
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, in both years, the younger generation was less eager
of giving
Change preposition
to give
show examples
money
Use synonyms
 to
charity
Use synonyms
. In more detail, in 1990, the figure for giving
money
Use synonyms
 to
charity
Use synonyms
 for the
age
Use synonyms
 group under 25 was about 17%,
whereas
Linking Words
 for those aged between 26 and 35 was higher at just over 30%.
In addition
Linking Words
, around 42% of individuals aged 36-50 helped to
charity
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 that of
aged
Correct determiner usage
those aged
show examples
 51-65 years was lower at 35%.
Also
Linking Words
, the proportion of donors at the
age
Use synonyms
 of over 65 stood at about 33
percent
Use the right word
per cent
show examples
. Looking at the information in 2010, the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of giving
money
Use synonyms
 to
charity
Use synonyms
 at the
age
Use synonyms
18
Change preposition
of 18
show examples
-25 compared to 1990 was lower at approximately 7%, and for those aged 26-35 decreased slightly at just under 25% .
Similarly
Linking Words
, the
percentage
Use synonyms
 for middle-aged donors fell
down
Change preposition
apply
show examples
to 35% .
Moreover
Linking Words
, the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of
money
Use synonyms
 donated to
charity
Use synonyms
 in the
age
Use synonyms
 group 51-65 and over 65 went up marginally to just under 40% and 35% respectively.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words money, charity, percentage, age with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 4 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "just under" was used 2 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: