IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below shows the number of people taking four different types of courses in China between 2008 and 2012.

The graph below shows the number of people taking four different types of courses in China between 2008 and 2012.
The graph illustrates the number of
people
Use synonyms
 who attend four different
courses
Use synonyms
 in China from 2008 to 2012.
Overall
Linking Words
, an upward trend was observed in two types of
courses
Use synonyms
, including
undergraduates
Use synonyms
 and online training.
Although
Linking Words
undergraduates
Use synonyms
 stood at the highest figure over the period,
literacy
Use synonyms
courses
Use synonyms
 and
postgraduates
Use synonyms
 remained stable. In 2008,
postgraduates
Use synonyms
 and
literacy
Use synonyms
courses
Use synonyms
 were the joint-lowest, at approximately 2
Use synonyms
millions
Fix the agreement mistake
million
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 online training was slightly higher, at nearly 3
Use synonyms
millions
Fix the agreement mistake
million
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
individuals.
Undergraduates
Use synonyms
 experienced the greatest figure in the first year, including almost 18
Use synonyms
millions
Fix the agreement mistake
million
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
. From 2008 to 2010,
undergraduates
Use synonyms
 rose significantly, to 23
Use synonyms
millions
Fix the agreement mistake
million
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
however
Linking Words
,
literacy
Use synonyms
courses
Use synonyms
 declined moderately, reaching 0. Online training and
postgraduates
Use synonyms
 saw a gradual increase, reaching 4 and 2
Use synonyms
millions
Fix the agreement mistake
million
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 respectively. By 2012,
undergraduates
Use synonyms
 reached a peak, at nearly 24
Use synonyms
millions
Fix the agreement mistake
million
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
individuals,
while
Linking Words
 a slight climb occurred in online training, by almost 1 million.
By contrast
Linking Words
,
postgraduates
Use synonyms
 remained at the same level and
literacy
Use synonyms
courses
Use synonyms
 rose to the same level as the first year, at 2
Use synonyms
millions
Fix the agreement mistake
million
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
individuals.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words people, courses, undergraduates, literacy, postgraduates, millions with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "remained" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "nearly" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "slightly" was used 2 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: