IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that the Government is wasting money on the arts and that this money could be better spent elsewhere. To what extent do you agree with this view?

Arts
Use synonyms
 reflect the heritage of a country and depict the creativity of an individual.
While
Linking Words
 many believe that financing in
Use synonyms
arts
Correct article usage
the arts
show examples
 is a
wastage
Check wording
waste
show examples
 of money, I am of the opposite view
as
Punctuation problem
, as
show examples
 I believe that financing in
Use synonyms
arts
Correct article usage
the arts
show examples
 is a good idea for the government. Many
people
Use synonyms
 think that diverting funds towards
Use synonyms
arts
Correct article usage
the arts
show examples
hamper
Correct subject-verb agreement
hampers
show examples
 the well-being of citizens and the development of the nation.
For example
Linking Words
, available monetary resources,
according to
Linking Words
 them, could be put to use in building more hospitals, roads, schools and developing other infrastructures.
This
Linking Words
 means increasing care
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the sick and improved transportation to previously inaccessible areas. For children, it caters for better education facilities. These
people
Use synonyms
 believe that art is a luxury
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 many governments cannot afford
this
Linking Words
 extravagance.
However
Linking Words
,
while
Linking Words
 investments in
such
Linking Words
 areas are vital, spending on
Use synonyms
arts
Correct article usage
the arts
show examples
 is equally important. Allocating money to the development and sustenance of
Use synonyms
arts
Correct article usage
the arts
show examples
 helps boost the economy, and
Use synonyms
arts
Correct article usage
the arts
show examples
 are important to alleviate crime
from
Change preposition
in
show examples
 society and positively entertain and engage
people
Use synonyms
. Art galleries can attract tourists from all over the world, generating revenue in return
Linking Words
while
Punctuation problem
, while
show examples
 artists can reveal
discrimination
Correct article usage
the discrimination
show examples
 of society through their works. It is
also
Linking Words
 the case that viewing and practising
arts
Use synonyms
,
such
Linking Words
 as painting, music, acting, dancing and so on, are good sources of venting out stress
while
Linking Words
 educating
people
Use synonyms
 at the same time.
Such
Linking Words
 activities
also
Linking Words
 portray a positive picture of a nation to the world. If governments fail to support
Use synonyms
arts
Correct article usage
the arts
show examples
 fiscally, many art galleries and theatres would not be able to survive.
Arts
Use synonyms
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 as important as science for the true progress of a nation. In
pithy
Correct word choice
short
show examples
, it is clear to me that spending on
Use synonyms
arts
Correct article usage
the arts
show examples
 is beneficial both for an individual and society.
Therefore
Linking Words
funding
Punctuation problem
, funding
show examples
Use synonyms
arts
Correct article usage
the arts
show examples
 by the government is not squandering money.

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task achievement
Try to clearly state your main points in the introduction. This will help guide the reader through your essay.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea and stick to it throughout the paragraph. This will help with flow.
task achievement
Use a few more examples to support your points. This can make your arguments stronger and clearer.
task achievement
You presented a clear opinion on the topic, which is important for a good essay.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a logical flow, with each paragraph building on the previous one, which is great for coherence.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • enriching society
  • promoting cultural understanding
  • development of talent
  • creative industries
  • economic benefits
  • generate revenue
  • cultural heritage
  • identity
  • prioritize spending
  • needs of the majority
What to do next:
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