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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The pie charts show the spending habits of people in UK in 1971 and 2001. Write a report to a university lecturer describing the data.

The pie charts show the spending habits of people in UK in 1971 and 2001. Write a report to a university lecturer describing the data.
The pie charts
provides
Correct subject-verb agreement
provide
show examples
 information about the
reosons
Correct your spelling
reasons
where
Correct word choice
why
show examples
 people in
Use synonyms
UK
Correct article usage
the UK
show examples
spending
Verb problem
had spending
show examples
 habits in
years
Correct article usage
the years
show examples
 1971 and 2001.
Overall
Linking Words
,
In
Fix capitalization
in
show examples
 2001 most significant
spends
Replace the word
spending
show examples
 where
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
cars
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 in
1971
Punctuation problem
1971,
show examples
 the most
thing
Correct word choice
significant thing
show examples
where
Rephrase
apply
show examples
people
spend
Wrong verb form
spent
show examples
is
Verb problem
on was
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
food
Use synonyms
.
In addition
Linking Words
,computers
are
Wrong verb form
were
show examples
 not popular in 1971,but in 2001
this
Linking Words
 thing spends was considerably
rised
Verb problem
apply
show examples
,whilst the book consumers in 1971 was more
Linking Words
Change preposition
than then
show examples
then
Use the right word
the
show examples
 computer owners,in 2001
computers owner
Fix the agreement mistake
computer owners
show examples
 was
being
Verb problem
apply
show examples
more
Linking Words
Change preposition
than then
show examples
then
Use the right word
the
show examples
 book
likers
Use the right word
lovers
show examples
. Three biggest reosons where
UK
Use synonyms
 citizens invest their money in 1971 was for
food
Use synonyms
,
cars
Use synonyms
 and Petrols with 44%,22% and 10%,
However
Linking Words
,in 2001 only petrols owners was gradually decreased from 10% to 8%,
cars
Use synonyms
 and
food
Use synonyms
 was stayed the most big need in
UK
Use synonyms
,
cars
Use synonyms
 owner was rised in 21% since 1971,
while
Linking Words
food
Use synonyms
 likers was falled to 30%.
Third
Correct article usage
The third
show examples
 biggest
habit
Use synonyms
 in
Use synonyms
Correct article usage
the Uk
show examples
Uk
Use the right word
UK
show examples
 in 2001 was
restourants
Correct your spelling
restaurants
 with 12%.
Four
Use the right word
For
show examples
 another different kind of
habit
Use synonyms
 in 1971 was books,computers,furniture and
restourants
Correct your spelling
restaurants
 with 6%,2%,9% and 7%.
In
Linking Words
contrast
Add a comma
contrast,
show examples
then
Linking Words
 1971,2001 have
another percentage
Fix the agreement mistake
other percentages
show examples
 of buyers in
this
Linking Words
 kind of
habit
Use synonyms
.
people
Fix capitalization
People
show examples
 who
want
Wrong verb form
wanted
show examples
 to buy a book in 2001
was
Verb problem
had
show examples
 considerably dropped
down
Change preposition
apply
show examples
from 6% in 1971 to 1% in 2001,
whereas
Linking Words
 computer buyers
was
Verb problem
apply
show examples
increased from 2%
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
in 1971 to 12% in 2001.
two
Fix capitalization
Two
show examples
 other
Use synonyms
habit
Fix the agreement mistake
habits
show examples
 have about 5-7% changes.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 80%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words uk, cars, food, habit with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "considerably" was used 2 times.
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