IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think parents should read or tell stories to children, while other think parents need not to do that, as children can read books, watch TV or movies by themselves. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Todays
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Today
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, there are
composing
Verb problem
conflicting
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 opinions over the inclusion of different upbringing approaches which
parents
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 should implement to nurture their
children
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.
While
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 some believe that reading
books
Use synonyms
 and watching TV independently by
children
Use synonyms
 can be
more
Correct article usage
a more
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 efficient
upbringing
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apply
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method than feeding the mind by
parents
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, I believe both approaches have their own benefits. On the one hand, independent use of
media
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 and
books
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have
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has
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 two positives.
First,
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children
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's learning and creativity accelerate
while
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 watching movies and reading
books
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 independently
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, specially
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specially
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especially
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 based on their own interests.
Books
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 and movies mainly contain lots of knowledge and information
and
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, and
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children
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 can probably learn
them
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from them
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 simultaneously by watching or reading them; so they can save their
time
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 and energy.
Moreover
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, studies have shown that learning visual material
are
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is
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 faster and deeper
and
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, and
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they
Correct pronoun usage
it
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remain
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remains
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 in our mind long-term. Needless to say that those
children
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watch
Correct pronoun usage
who watch
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movie
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movies
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 can recall
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
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 for
longer
Correct article usage
a longer
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time
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 in comparison to those who hear
that
Correct determiner usage
those
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stories
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 through their
parents
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 or other people. Many
children
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 with the help of
this
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 method learn a second language at
lower
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a lower
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 age and they
have been
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are
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 able to be fluent when they are
adolescent
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adolescents
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.
Therefore
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learning
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, learning
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 through
media
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 and
books
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 independently
help
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helps
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children
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 to learn a huge volume of information in a short
time
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 and recollect
them
Correct pronoun usage
it
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 for
long
Correct article usage
a long
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 period. There is no doubt
storytelling
Correct word choice
that storytelling
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 by
parents
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 helps them to build a strong emotional bond with their
children
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 and preserves the family
cultures
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culture
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. These days
quite
Punctuation problem
, quite
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 a lot of
parents
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 do not have enough
time
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 to spend with their
children
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and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 their
children
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 would suffer from loneliness. Storytelling is an opportunity that allows them to spend a lot of
time
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 with them and support them with
affections
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affection
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.
As a result
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, their
children
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 are less likely to suffer from loneliness.
Additionally
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, most
stories
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parents
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 choose to tell
about to
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apply
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their
children
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inherit
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are inherited
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 mainly from their
parents
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. These
stories
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 contain points
stem
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that stem
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 from family cultures that can
transmit
Wrong verb form
be transmitted
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 from
a
Correct article usage
one
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 generation to another. By doing so,
children
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 learn them and
transform
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pass them on
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 to
next
Correct article usage
the next
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 generation.
Therefore
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, telling
stories
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 by
parents
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 can build
strong
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a strong
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 relationship between
parents
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 and their
children
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 and
also
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 maintain their culture.
To sum up
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, storytelling by
parents
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 and
independently
Replace the word
independent
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media
Use synonyms
 consumption have their own advantages in turn which are worth it.
While
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use
Correct article usage
the use
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 of
media
Use synonyms
 independently
lead
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leads
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 to
children
Use synonyms
have
Wrong verb form
having
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 a
fast-pace
Use the right word
fast pace
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 and deeper learning, storytelling by
parents
Use synonyms
 can maintain the family culture and construct a strong relationship. T

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task response
Make your introduction clearer by stating your opinion more directly.
coherence and cohesion
Separate your main points into clear paragraphs with topic sentences.
task response
Use specific examples to support your points more effectively.
coherence and cohesion
Check your grammar and spelling for better clarity.
task response
You discussed both views, which shows good understanding.
task response
You included the importance of storytelling for family ties, which is a nice detail.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Storytelling
  • Linguistic skills
  • Bonding
  • Cultural values
  • Pronunciation
  • Comprehension
  • Literacy habits
  • Visually inclined
  • Vivid imagery
  • Educational programs
  • Digital formats
  • Autonomy
  • Critical thinking
  • Interpret and engage
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