IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?

In these
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These
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 days,there is a kind of saying that kids are able to do anything successfully as long as they try their best.
To
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From
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 my point of view,
this
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 saying
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
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 two sides to explain for some
of
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apply
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advantages and disadvantages. Talking about the good aspects of
this
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 saying,the children would release some of their pressure on doing what they are trying to do
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as
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, as
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 well as get external confidence.On the one hand,having
a
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such a
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such
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 positive mind will naturally help children put less
package
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pressure
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 on their shoulders,as any
stockers
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stocker
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 would like to put all of
money
Correct pronoun usage
their money
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to
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into
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 a stock if the rule is 'enough money,certain payback' because there is
not
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no
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 risk.
On the other hand
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,under a known reality that you will get success as long as you have tried your best,kids can easily show themselves without
some
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any
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 fear
emotions
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or emotions
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. The
mainest
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main
access
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source
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 of confidence is the less of fear.A master of
acobat
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acrobatics
 told me the secret of acting
suceesfully-be
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successfully-be
 confident by putting fear away. Speaking of its bad way,the most terrible one is the huge feeling of
disappointed
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disappointment
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 after defeat of doing something which be told
that
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to
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 you
can
Verb problem
could be
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achieve
Wrong verb form
achieved
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 if you
try
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tried
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 hard enough.
Contray
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Contrary
 to something you have known that it's impossible and not begin,a lie which you try hard for hurts you much heavier. In short, if you tell a child that he can definitely succeed in something as long as he works hard, he will have less psychological pressure and more confidence when doing things.
However
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, the corresponding downside is that once he fails, he will fall into the pain of feeling deceived. Blessings and misfortunes are interdependent, so parents should decide whether to say
such
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 things based on the child's personality and the nature of the matter.

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coherence and cohesion
Try to clearly separate your ideas into paragraphs. Each paragraph should focus on one main point to help the reader follow your argument.
task achievement
Make sure to provide more supporting examples for each of your points. This makes your argument stronger and clearer.
general improvement
Check for spelling and grammatical errors. Using correct grammar and spelling helps your writing to be more credible and easier to read.
task achievement
You have included a discussion of both advantages and disadvantages, which shows a balanced view on the topic.
task achievement
Your essay addresses the prompt well, which is important for a good score.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • achieve
  • try hard
  • positive mindset
  • self-belief
  • motivates
  • ambitious goals
  • resilience
  • determination
  • confidence
  • self-esteem
  • growth mindset
  • unrealistic expectations
  • disappointment
  • failure
  • effort
  • hard work
  • seek support
  • individual differences
  • abilities
  • capabilities
What to do next:
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