IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?

In some cultures,
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 notion that anything could be achieved as long as one tries hard enough is instilled into the youth’s minds.
This
Linking Words
 value cultivates the diligence quality of children, encouraging them to pursue promising targets no matter how far and difficult
them
Correct pronoun usage
they
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 are.
However
Linking Words
, purpose-oriented character, posed by the concept, could
also
Linking Words
 ruin the life. In terms of positive effect, the message sets a solid foundation for children’s development, boosting their growth
especially
Punctuation problem
, especially
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 when they confront tough problems or obstacles. The message is like a motto accompanying their life journey, serving as a source from which they could draw strength to
realize
Change the spelling
realise
show examples
them
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 dreams.
For instance
Linking Words
, a youth who was instilled
Linking Words
this
Change preposition
with this
show examples
 notion
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 dreamt about entering the best university to learn. Along the path where he completed his secondary education, no matter how sharp the thorns were, or how enormous
obstacle
Correct article usage
the obstacle
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 stones were, the warrior
has
Wrong verb form
had
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 conquered them with resilience and eventually received the olive branch from his dreaming university. In a nutshell, the motto cultivates children’s resilience, brings the courage of pursuing their prospective purpose, which are the basic qualities required in adulthood.
However
Linking Words
, every coin has two sides
,
Punctuation problem
;
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 not only does the concept bring benefits to children’s development, but
Linking Words
also
Correct pronoun usage
it also
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leave
Correct subject-verb agreement
leaves
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 some negative
effect
Fix the agreement mistake
effects
show examples
 on them.
Emphasizing
Change the spelling
Emphasising
show examples
 only the significance of diligence without focusing on correct directions or scientific approaches would lead children to degenerate into
crudely
Correct article usage
a crudely
show examples
 utilitarian
.
Check wording
mindset.
show examples
For example
Linking Words
, a kid who wanted to get a higher score in an examination
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
he
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
tried hard enough to prepare
crib
Correct article usage
a crib
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 sheet,
although
Linking Words
 he succeeded, his method of achieving the goal was far from
honorable
Change the spelling
honourable
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.
Additionally
Linking Words
, kids concentrate on their own purpose, are indifferent to others’ emotions or needs. To some extent, the concept prompts them
become
Verb problem
to become
show examples
 indifferent, egocentric. From my perspective, young people should be instilled with the idea of working diligently toward positive goals and pursuing them through appropriate means.
Additionally
Linking Words
, essential guidance from parents, teachers, and even society is crucial for their development.

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planning
Make a clear plan before you write. Start with a short idea of your view, then give two strong points for and against. End with a short final line.
coherence
Use easy links to tie ideas. Words like 'also', 'but', 'however', and 'yet' help the flow.
examples
Give more clear and simple examples. Use one or two short cases that show your point.
content
The essay shows you understand both sides of the idea.
structure
There is an attempt to make a view and to give an ending.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • achieve
  • try hard
  • positive mindset
  • self-belief
  • motivates
  • ambitious goals
  • resilience
  • determination
  • confidence
  • self-esteem
  • growth mindset
  • unrealistic expectations
  • disappointment
  • failure
  • effort
  • hard work
  • seek support
  • individual differences
  • abilities
  • capabilities
What to do next:
Look at other essays: