IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Somple people believe that opening zoos are helpful for educational purposes whereas, others believe that zoos must be close Discuss both the views and give your opinion

Few individuals think that the establishment of
zoos
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 is useful in terms of spreading knowledge and awareness, whilst, rest believe that it should be banned.In
this
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 essay,both sides of the topic will be discussed, followed by my opinion. Supporters of
zoos
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 argue that
zoos
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 are a good source of gaining knowledge about wildlife habitats .
This
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 is because, when they get awareness about how
animals
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 and birds reproduce and survive , they learn to show respect and empathy towards them .
For instance
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, the USA has the highest number of
zoos
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 in the world , still they have a very low death rate of
animals
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 amongst other nations , which can normally occur
due to
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 illegal mankind activities like hunting or poaching.
Therefore
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, more
zoos
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 are developing kindness among USA citizens after visiting
zoos
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.
On the other hand
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,
zoos
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 should be closed
according to
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 a few people. It is snatching normal living life from
animals
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 and birds , as they have to survive in limited space and cages.To cite an example, emotions and happiness are commonly seen among pet
animals
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 as compared to those who are living in
zoos
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.
Therefore
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,
zoos
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 should not be promoted .
Furthermore
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, keeping
animals
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 in
zoos
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 can hinder their reproduction process. Each animal has a particular time of the year when they become
sure
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
sexually aroused.
Consequently
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,
zoos
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 have a special area for each animal as they cannot go around each other , which would reduce the chances of growing their population. To illustrate, the American lion safari in Canada has 100
animals
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 in the zoo from the
last
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 5 years without any newborn animal babies. After considering both sides of the argument, I am inclined to support that
zoos
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 should be closed.I find the argument in favour of
animals
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 and birds because it lets them choose their way of living . In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
zoos
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 are educating people about various things related to wildlife habitats. Still, they need to be closed to let
animal
Fix the agreement mistake
animals
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 have freedom of living.

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task achievement
The introduction should clearly state your opinion and give a brief overview of what the essay will discuss.
coherence and cohesion
Try to use paragraphs more effectively. Each paragraph should focus on one main idea with supporting details.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to connect your ideas smoothly with linking words or phrases to improve the flow of your essay.
task achievement
The essay presents both sides of the argument well, showing good understanding of the topic.
task achievement
Some examples are given to support the points made, which helps in understanding the arguments better.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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