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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The first table below shows changes in the total population of New York City from 1800 to 2000. The second and third tables show changes in the population of the five districts of the city (Manhattan, Brooklyn, Bronx, Queens, Staten Island) over the same period. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The first table below shows changes in the total population of New York City from 1800 to 2000. The second and third tables show changes in the population of the five districts of the city (Manhattan, Brooklyn, Bronx, Queens, Staten Island) over the same period. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The tables illustrate the number of residents of New
York
Use synonyms
City
Use synonyms
 changing in three different years, and compare the distribution of the
population
Use synonyms
 in
Manhattan
Use synonyms
 with the other four
districts
Use synonyms
 of the
city
Use synonyms
 over the same period.
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 the
population
Use synonyms
 of New
York
Use synonyms
City
Use synonyms
 experienced a significant increase during the period.
While
Linking Words
 the percentage of the
Manhattan
Use synonyms
population
Use synonyms
 gradually decreased, the figure for the other four
districts
Use synonyms
 went up dramatically. In 1800, the total
population
Use synonyms
 of New
York
Use synonyms
City
Use synonyms
 was 79,216, of which 76%
was
Verb problem
lived
show examples
from
Change preposition
in
show examples
Manhattan
Use synonyms
. The
population
Use synonyms
 of New
York
Use synonyms
City
Use synonyms
 was almost four times 1900
as
Correct word choice
what
show examples
 it was in 1800, reaching 3,437,202. During
this
Linking Words
 time,
Manhattan
Use synonyms
 residents accounted for 54% of the
city
Use synonyms
's
population
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 the other
districts
Use synonyms
 had nearly doubled the proportion of the total
population
Use synonyms
, with a number of 46%.
In
Change preposition
At
show examples
 the end of the period, the total
population
Use synonyms
 of the
city
Use synonyms
 doubled again compared with the
fomer
Correct your spelling
former
 century.
By contrast
Linking Words
, the percentage of
Manhattan
Use synonyms
 citizens dropped to 19%,
whereas
Linking Words
 the figure for the other
districts
Use synonyms
 rose
remakably
Correct your spelling
remarkably
 by 35%,
at
Change preposition
to
show examples
 81%.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words york, city, population, manhattan, districts with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "compare" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • people
  • city
  • five
  • district
  • grow
  • growth
  • rise
  • increase
  • increase
  • rise
  • fall
  • decline
  • high
  • low
  • big
  • large
  • small
  • more
  • less
  • over time
  • by year
  • in total
  • compare
  • compared with
  • whereas
  • trend
  • pattern
  • overall
  • feature
  • note
  • point
  • difference
  • lead
  • catch up
  • late
  • early
  • century
  • decade
  • period
  • 2000
  • 1800
  • 1900
  • continuous
  • steady
  • rapid
  • fast
  • slow
  • periods
  • numbers
  • data
  • report
  • describe
  • summarise
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