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Writing Samples
Band 7

The bar chart shows attendance of people in different age in music events in Australia in 2006.

The bar chart shows attendance of people in different age in music events in Australia in 2006.
The given bar chart compares the different
age
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groups
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' participation in three categories in terms of musical festivals, namely classical,
opera
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, and popular , in Australia in 2006.
Overall
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,
while
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 the percentage of people in the popular group was the highest, followed distantly by
opera
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 and classical among the young
age
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.
Check wording
group.
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 Compared to younger
age
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groups
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, the 55+ category had significantly lower participation in music events, especially popular ones. As for the 15-24
age
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groups
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, the proportion of participation in popular was the biggest , which was approximately 37 , compared to classical and
opera
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 , which were about 11 and 13.
Also
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, among the 25-34
age
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groups
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, all the figures remained unchanged;
however
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, in the percentage of popularity, there was a dramatic decrease, reaching over 25.
Additionally
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, the figure of popular remained more dominant position than classical , with just the upper 10 and
opera
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 with 25 in the 35-44
age
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 generation.
In contrast
Linking Words
, the proportion of all three categories was not lifted from 15 to 45
age
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groups
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. In the 45-54
age
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 group, the figure of classical was not as big as
opera
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 and popular, with 10 compared to 15 approximately 13. Over 55
age
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 group remained slightly, but popular saw a huge change, which was 5.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words age, groups, opera with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "compares" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "remained" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "approximately" was used 2 times.
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