IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

In some countries an increasing number of people are suffering from health problems as a result of eating too much fast food. It is therefore necessary for government to impose a higher tax on this kind of food. To what extent do you agree or disagree whit this opinion.

In some nations, many
people
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 are suffering from health diseases because of consuming a lot of fast
food
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, and it is argued by some that higher taxes should be imposed by the government on
this
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 kind of
food
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.
This
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 essay totally agrees with
this
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 statement and considers it a viable solution to reduce the consumption of unhealthy
food
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. The most effective solution for
this
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 delimma is making
people
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 buy more to reduce their usage of harmgul
food
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, if a person had known their eating habits would affect them financially they would consider not to buy it anymore, and they will think about other options like healthy
food
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, if society decided to eat better that would reflects on their
overall
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 health and more advantages will appear in several aspects, like children intellegence,
for example
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, in Japan, children who live far from the fast
food
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 restaurents have a higher rate of intellegence by 30% compared to young
people
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 who live next to these restaurents. If no actions have been taken to
this
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 issue many problem in the long term would appear in society, there would be a lack of the healthcare services because of the substantial amount of
people
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 with heart diseases and diabetes, if more and more
people
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 exposed to
this
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 harmful
food
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 that would increse the number of obesity,
therefore
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 they will be affected with many serious health issues,
for instance
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, in the UK there are 3 healthcare facilities being built in the hour because of the increasing in obesity rates. In conclusion,more and more fast
food
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 places open their door every day , and
this
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 reflects a real problem that should have the government's attention.

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea and supporting details. Use examples that are easy to understand.
task achievement
In your introduction, clearly state your view and outline the main points you will discuss.
coherence and cohesion
Use commas to separate ideas clearly and check spelling to avoid mistakes.
task achievement
You clearly state your agreement with the idea of imposing higher taxes on fast food.
task achievement
Your essay addresses the topic of health problems caused by fast food well.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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