IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Many people believe that it is easier to have a healthy lifestyle in the countryside. Others say there are more health benefits to living in cities. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

People
Use synonyms
 argue that maintaining a healthy lifestyle is less challenging in the
countryside
Use synonyms
rather
Rephrase
apply
show examples
than in
cities
Use synonyms
. Others,
however
Linking Words
, tend to say that living in
cities
Use synonyms
 is more beneficial for health.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss both the advantages of a physically active life in the
countryside
Use synonyms
 and the advanced medical support available in
cities
Use synonyms
. Living outside the city usually means being far away from the urban economy. Many goods that
people
Use synonyms
 in
cities
Use synonyms
 can buy are not available to
people
Use synonyms
 in the
countryside
Use synonyms
.
Thus
Linking Words
, possessing farms becomes necessary to live independently from the economy. In general,
this
Linking Words
 requires a significant amount of physical activity, which is crucial for being healthy. Alveoli, the parts of our lungs, require movement to absorb oxygen and maintain their function.
Otherwise
Linking Words
, they may stop working, causing serious damage to the body.
People
Use synonyms
 in the
countryside
Use synonyms
 have to regularly work to farm necessary resources
such
Linking Words
 as milk from cows, harvest crops, and collect eggs from chickens.
This
Linking Words
 lifestyle enhances all physical parameters, making the body more flexible and adaptable to tough conditions. To illustrate,
people
Use synonyms
 who actively visit gyms or swimming pools tend to live longer and healthier lives.
However
Linking Words
, medical treatment is one of the most essential things humans need. In the past, almost half of newborn babies died
due to
Linking Words
 viruses.
This
Linking Words
 tendency declined when the first treatments appeared.
Moreover
Linking Words
, even light bleeding used to be able to kill a person.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, when the first medications, like penicillin, appeared, these dangers were no longer a threat. Medicine is far more advanced in
cities
Use synonyms
 than in the
countryside
Use synonyms
. If a person suddenly gets a serious disease, it can take a lot of time to arrive in the city and receive treatment. Sometimes,
this
Linking Words
 delay is too long to save someone's life.
People
Use synonyms
 in the
cities
Use synonyms
 have better access to hospitals, which is crucial because even a small injury, if treated incorrectly, can become something dangerous.
Although
Linking Words
 hospitals are important for maintaining health,
people
Use synonyms
 who live in harsh conditions adapt to them, and their bodies become much stronger, able to handle most diseases on their own.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Your introduction should clearly state your opinion on the topic.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to link your ideas together with clear transition words.
coherence and cohesion
Add a clear conclusion that summarizes your thoughts and gives your opinion.
task achievement
You have provided good examples to support your points.
task achievement
Your argument about physical activity in the countryside is strong.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: