IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

in some countries an increasing number of people are suffering from health problems as a result of eating too much fast food. It is therefore necessary for government to impose a higher tax on this kind of food. to what extend do you agree or disagree with this opinion.

In more recent times, unhealthy
food
Use synonyms
 consumption is seen as
amajor
Correct your spelling
a major
 cause of illness. It may
Linking Words
due
Verb problem
be due
show examples
 to easy access
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 fast
food
Use synonyms
 in
Use synonyms
market
Correct article usage
the market
show examples
. But still, I strongly disagree with
decision
Correct article usage
the decision
show examples
of imposing
Change preposition
to impose
show examples
high
Correct article usage
a high
show examples
tax
Use synonyms
 on fast
food
Use synonyms
 because, nowadays, many
people
Use synonyms
 are dependent
cheap
Change preposition
on cheap
show examples
 fast
food
Use synonyms
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
this
Linking Words
 act will
also
Linking Words
effect
Use the right word
affect
show examples
 the
food
Use synonyms
market
Use synonyms
 badly. In response, there should be
introducton
Correct your spelling
introduction
 of other schemes by
Use synonyms
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 to support healthy
food
Use synonyms
.
Although
Linking Words
 fast
food
Use synonyms
 is causing problems, at the same time, it is feeding many
people
Use synonyms
 in
this
Linking Words
 fast and expensive life. As seen in every local
market
Use synonyms
 that fresh and healthy
food
Use synonyms
 is very expensive, not everyone can afford it. If
Use synonyms
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 wants to take
step
Correct article usage
a step
show examples
 towards better health
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 citizens,
they
Correct pronoun usage
it
show examples
 should concentrate on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
other options
like
Punctuation problem
, like
show examples
 reducing the price of fresh fruits and spreading awareness about
bad
Correct article usage
the bad
show examples
 effects of unhealthy
food
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
, if
Use synonyms
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 impose
higher
Correct article usage
a higher
show examples
tax
Use synonyms
 on fast
food
Use synonyms
,
then
Linking Words
 it will create a serious situation for some
people
Use synonyms
 who cannot afford any
food
Use synonyms
 at all.
Apart from
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
,
Use synonyms
food
Correct article usage
the food
show examples
market
Use synonyms
 will face a great loss
due to
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 program. Mainly, markets are now
depend
Replace the word
dependent
show examples
 on the
restaurtants
Correct your spelling
restaurants
 and imposing
tax
Use synonyms
 on fast
food
Use synonyms
 will reduce the revenue of
restaurtants
Correct your spelling
restaurants
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 can
collaspe
Correct your spelling
collapse
 the whole
market
Use synonyms
. It not only
stop
Correct subject-verb agreement
stops
show examples
 the customers
to visit
Change preposition
from visiting
show examples
food
Use synonyms
 markets but
also
Linking Words
 the foreign investors
to invest
Change preposition
from investing
show examples
resurces
Correct your spelling
resources
 into the
market
Use synonyms
. Again.
funding
Fix capitalization
Funding
show examples
 local
market
Use synonyms
produces
Replace the word
producers
show examples
 to reduce the price of fresh
food
Use synonyms
 can be
better
Correct article usage
a better
show examples
 option than imposing taxes. Unless, situation
will get
Wrong verb form
gets
show examples
 worse
where
Punctuation problem
, where
show examples
 there is no growth seen in
local
Correct article usage
the local
show examples
market
Use synonyms
 and
fast
Correct article usage
the fast
show examples
food
Use synonyms
market
Use synonyms
 as well. In conclusion,
Use synonyms
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 imposing
Use synonyms
tax
Correct article usage
a tax
show examples
 on fast
food
Use synonyms
 is not seen as
productive
Correct article usage
a productive
show examples
 solution. It can be a little
benefical
Correct your spelling
beneficial
 for
health
Correct article usage
the health
show examples
 of
people
Use synonyms
but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
 not in
long
Correct article usage
the long
show examples
 term
Linking Words
due
Punctuation problem
, due
show examples
 to the situation it will create in future.
This
Linking Words
include
Correct subject-verb agreement
includes
show examples
food
Use synonyms
market
Use synonyms
collaspe
Correct your spelling
collapse
 and
shortage
Correct article usage
a shortage
show examples
 of
food
Use synonyms
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
poor
Correct article usage
the poor
show examples
 population.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, there are various other ways available for
Use synonyms
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 to support healthy
food
Use synonyms
like
Punctuation problem
, like
show examples
by
Change preposition
as
show examples
 funding local markets and
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
spreading awareness about fast
food
Use synonyms
 affects to health.

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coherence
Make sure every paragraph has a clear main idea that relates to your overall argument. This will help your readers follow your thoughts more easily.
coherence
Use signposting words to connect your ideas. For instance, words like 'firstly', 'on the other hand', and 'in conclusion' can help guide your reader through your essay.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples and details to support your points. This will make your argument stronger and show that you have thought deeply about the topic.
coherence
Work on grammar and spelling to improve clarity. Small errors can distract readers from your main points.
content
You have a clear opinion and you express it strongly across your essay. This is very important in IELTS writing.
task achievement
You recognize the complexity of the topic by considering the impact on the food market and poor population. This shows depth in your analysis.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Overconsumption
  • Chronic diseases
  • Obesity
  • Diabetes
  • Cardiovascular health
  • Sin tax
  • Subsidize
  • Affordability
  • Nutritional awareness
  • Paternalism
  • Socio-economic disparities
  • Industry lobbying
  • Public health initiatives
  • Consumer behavior
  • Regulatory measures
  • Health-conscious
  • Processed foods
  • Fiscal policy
  • Preventative healthcare
  • Behavioral economics
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