IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

One the consequence of improved medical care is that people are living longer and life expectancy is increasing. Do you think the advantage of this development outweigh the disadvantage?

It is believed that good health leads to
longer
Correct article usage
a longer
show examples
 life. Most
people
Use synonyms
 live longer if they receive suitable treatment.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the number of old
people
Use synonyms
 is increasing for many reasons , the significant one is the development in hospitals . In my opinion,
old
Correct article usage
an old
show examples
 person likes to live
longer
Correct article usage
a longer
show examples
 time because it is personal freedom , he finds his life more
benefit
Replace the word
beneficial
show examples
 for his self and for the others who
surrounding
Wrong verb form
surround
show examples
 him.
Firstly
Linking Words
, there are advantages for
those
Correct determiner usage
this
show examples
 type of society
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as
give
Wrong verb form
giving
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
adults their experience in life and work ,so new workers learn from the older workers and take their
knowledges
Fix the agreement mistake
knowledge
show examples
 to benefit the work.
For example
Linking Words
 , studies in UK industries
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 show that the increase in production is the result of
transferring
Wrong verb form
the transfer
show examples
 of experience .
However
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 who live longer need
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
others to care about them
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 the family should
have
Verb problem
apply
show examples
response
Replace the word
respond
show examples
toward
Change preposition
to
show examples
 their
grands
Correct your spelling
grandchildren
.
In addition
Linking Words
 , the government have to provide
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
medical care for older
people
Use synonyms
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
this
Linking Words
cost
Wrong verb form
costs
show examples
 more.
For instance
Linking Words
 , in China , the government gave
supporting
Replace the word
support
show examples
 money to
medical
Correct article usage
the medical
show examples
section
Use the right word
sector
show examples
 approximately 40%
from
Change preposition
of
show examples
total
Correct article usage
the total
show examples
 annual
.
Check wording
budget.
show examples
 In conclusion, there are advantages and disadvantages for
people
Use synonyms
 who live longer
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
it
maybe
Use the right word
may
show examples
costs
Wrong verb form
cost
show examples
 more to the medical
section
Use the right word
sector
show examples
,but it helps the young to
take
Verb problem
gain
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
experience from
olders
Correct your spelling
older
.
Check wording
people.
show examples

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea. This will help organize your points better.
task achievement
Add more specific examples to support your ideas. This makes your argument stronger.
coherence and cohesion
Use clear and simple sentences to express your thoughts better.
task achievement
You have a clear opinion about the topic which is good.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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