IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2.5

In many countries there is a shortage of suitable people for essential jobs. What do you think are the causes of this problem and what measure could be taken to solve?

In many countries, there are not enough
people
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 working in some important
jobs
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 like
teachers
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, doctors,...
This
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 is a problem for many countries. Today, I will talk about
this
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 problem and how the solve it. One reason is that some essential
jobs
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 are very hard looking for
people
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 because
this
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 job don'
t
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 have a lot of money for
people
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.
For example
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, the
teachers
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 work many hours , but their salary is not high, so many
people
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 don'
t
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 want to become
teachers
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. To solve
this
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 problem, the government can give better salaries or essential
jobs
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. So if the
teachers
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 have enough money for them, many
people
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 will want to become
teacher
Fix the agreement mistake
teachers
show examples
. In conclusion, there is a shortage of suitable
people
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 for essential
jobs
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 because some
jobs
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 don'
t
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 pay a high salary
so
Punctuation problem
, so
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 many
people
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 don'
t
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 want
work
Verb problem
to work
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 for
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this job
Fix the agreement mistake
these jobs
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. To fix
this
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, the government should support more
these
Change preposition
of these
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job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
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.
This
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 will help improve the lack of essential
jobs
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coherence and cohesion
The essay needs a clearer structure. Try to have separate paragraphs for each point you make.
task achievement
Add more specific examples related to other essential jobs, like doctors or nurses, to strengthen your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to proofread your essay for grammar and punctuation, as this can affect clarity.
task achievement
You identified a clear problem and suggested a solution, which is a good start.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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