In many countries, the number of people suffering from stress is increasing. What do you think are the causes of this problem and what measures could be taken to tackle it?

#countries #people #stress #measures

It is considered that the percentage of individuals dealing with

stress

is getting higher in many nations across the globe. In my opinion, the most prone to

stress

are the students and the main causes of anxiety for them are peer pressure and

school

grades

Firstly

, students nowadays want to be in the loop when it comes to new trends. And they tend to copy the things that are in now and want to please their friends with their brand new materials. It will lead to depression if you are just a commoner and you do not have enough allowance to stay in the trends.

For example

, they buy things or do things that they cannot afford to just to show off to their friends.

Therefore

, it causes anxiety to them.

Secondly

school

grades

are the most common reason most student experience

stress

at a young age because they live up to their parent's and society's expectations. Many guardians now have high expectations of their children, usually, they have specific

grades

to require.

Therefore

, learners now want to strive harder to meet their expectations, which results in poor coping skills in life. They do not have a balance between

school

and personal.

For example

, one student decided to end her life because of getting low

school

grades

. So,

this

is alarming to societies now because of the anxiety that

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

children now face. To reduce

stress

among learners, schools now have a lot of activities that involve mental health awareness to conduct seminars and free sessions for those who experiencing

stress

. Not only the

school

but

as well as

the government and other agencies have free consultation.

Overall

, we can't help but feel down sometimes because of the responsibilities and duties we have in our daily lives and it's part of our life, but we have different personnel; professionals or friends ready to lend hands to us whenever we need help.

Submitted by alyssa.cordero22 on Mon Sep 23 2024

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task achievement

To improve your essay, consider providing a more diverse range of causes for increasing stress levels, rather than focusing primarily on students. This would showcase a broader understanding of the issue.

coherence cohesion

Work on enhancing the logical flow between your paragraphs. For example, transitioning from one cause to another should be smoother to maintain coherence.

coherence cohesion

Ensure each main point is fully developed with relevant examples and explanations. For instance, elaborate more on how government and public agency interventions can help alleviate stress.

task achievement

Your essay provides a clear response to the task with specific examples focusing on students and their stressors, which makes your argument relatable.

coherence cohesion

The introduction and conclusion are effectively presented, establishing the context of the issue and summarizing the key points.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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7Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Grammar mistakes
 

5 paragraphs

321 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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In many countries, the number of people suffering from stress is increasing. What do you think are the causes of this problem and what measures could be taken to tackle it?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Fewer and fewer people walk on a daily basis. What are the reasons and how to encourage them to spend their time walking?

A large number of young people cannot find a job when they leave university. What problems will youth unemployment cause for individuals and for society? What measures should take to help reduce unemployment?

Despite the increased access to education, a significant number of people cannot read or write. What are the disadvantages without these skills? And What actions should governments take?

Homelessness is increasing in many major cities around the world. What do you think are the main causes of this problem and what measures could be taken to solve it?

Private car ownership has been increasing over the past few decades. This has given ordinary people greater mobility, but has also led to concerns about traffic congestion and air pollution. Do the advantages of private car ownership outweigh the disadvantages?