IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many people believe that zoos have no purpose in today's world and should be closed what problems do zoos bring? What are the alternatives to zoos if they are closed?

Nowadays, it is from common belief that
zoos
Use synonyms
does
Correct subject-verb agreement
do
show examples
 not have any purpose, and their closure should be discussed. It is argued by some people that it is unethical to keep wild
animals
Use synonyms
 in small cages, and they are not as good for learning as it was
though
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apply
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a decade
before
Rephrase
ago
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.
Nontheless
Correct your spelling
Nonetheless
, a more suitable solution would be the implementation of sanctuaries, which would allow individuals
observe
Verb problem
to observe
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animal’s
Check wording
animals’
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behavior
Use the right word
behaviour
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 in nature.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, detractors to
zoos
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 think that keeping
animals
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 inside small spaces
could not
Wrong verb form
cannot
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 be considered
ethic
Replace the word
ethical
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 anymore. Namely, privating
animals
Use synonyms
 from their freedom, and the
posibility
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possibility
 to
develope
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develop
 a normal life surrounded by their habitat, is cruel
under
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in
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 the
eye
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eyes
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 of modern society.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, not many things can be learned from a beast which is under unnatural circumstances, their
behave
Replace the word
behaviour
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 will never be the same as the one that could be observed in a real environment. To illustrate, many educational institutions are
prefering
Correct your spelling
preferring
 to visit places where
animals
Use synonyms
 can perform a
lifetyle
Correct your spelling
lifestyle
 similar to the one they could have in their native surroundings
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
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 as natural
reservations
Check wording
reserves
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.
Therefore
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, opponents to
zoos
Use synonyms
 claim that
animals
Use synonyms
 should live under their inherent conditions or, if not possible
at
Punctuation problem
, at
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 least they should be kept in a more friendly place for them
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
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 as a sanctuary.
This
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 would be
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 a more ethical solution
alaigned
Correct your spelling
aligned
 with what
it
Use the right word
is
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 morally accepted by
sosciety
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society
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
present
Correct determiner usage
these present
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 days.
Moreover
Linking Words
, keeping
animals
Use synonyms
 in a space where they can
develope
Correct your spelling
develop
 their normal life would be extremely beneficial not only for them, but
also
Linking Words
their
Change preposition
for their
show examples
 visitors who would probably learn more about their natural behaviour. A case in point
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 is the sanctuary located in Rancagua
city
Punctuation problem
city,
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 where they have
animals
Use synonyms
, which
from
Change preposition
to
show examples
 diverse
causes
Punctuation problem
causes,
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 cannot be returned to wildlife, and are kept under more similar circumstances to their natural habitat. In conclusion, closing
zoos
Use synonyms
 should be addressed urgently because of
moral
Correct article usage
the moral
show examples
issue
Fix the agreement mistake
issues
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 they represent nowadays, and because there are better alternatives, which would benefit
animals
Use synonyms
as well as
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 those who seek to learn from them.
Hence
Linking Words
, Individuals and governments should work together to implement
Linking Words
this
Fix the agreement mistake
these
show examples
 eco-friendly sites as soon as possible.

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure to clearly define each main point in separate paragraphs. This will help the reader understand your argument better.
task achievement
Add clearer examples or reasons that support your opinion, especially in the body paragraphs.
coherence and cohesion
Check grammar and phrasing in your sentences to make them clearer and more accurate.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task achievement
Your points about animal welfare and ethical considerations are relevant and important.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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