IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that it is good to share as much information as possible in scientific reasearch, business and the academic world. Other believe that some information is too important or too valuable to be shared freely. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

As we are developing in science, technology,
modren
Correct your spelling
modern
academical
Replace the word
academic
show examples
services
Use synonyms
 and in businesses. We are
also
Linking Words
 facing some challenges with it
as well
Rephrase
apply
show examples
. Almost every individual
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 using the
internet
Use synonyms
 systems which connect every person to one another. Nowadays,
people
Use synonyms
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 built multiple online shops and
services
Use synonyms
 which can
provided
Wrong verb form
provide
show examples
 any
information
Use synonyms
 about the products of any
kind
Use synonyms
 around the world without any delay or
intruptions
Correct your spelling
interruptions
. We can find any
data
Use synonyms
 to use or spoil anytime
as
Punctuation problem
, as
show examples
 there are many uses and advantages for the
internet
Use synonyms
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
includes
Correct subject-verb agreement
include
show examples
 the
platforms
Use synonyms
 where
people
Use synonyms
 connect to each other
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
. such
show examples
platforms
Use synonyms
 are Discord, Reddit, X, Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat
etc
Punctuation problem
, etc
show examples
.
This
Linking Words
 way
Use synonyms
people
Punctuation problem
, people
show examples
 exchange
information
Use synonyms
 about what is going
around
Change preposition
on around
show examples
 the world. What are the financial reports, weather reports or sports events happening around
.
Change the punctuation
?
show examples
 These
platforms
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
 provide you
about
Change preposition
with
show examples
 new scientific
break through's
Use the right word
breakthroughs
show examples
, new businesses coming on top and what new subjects and
services
Use synonyms
 are added to the department of academics. ,e.g Apple posts
advertisement
Fix the agreement mistake
advertisements
show examples
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
his
Correct pronoun usage
its
show examples
 new
iphone
Use the right word
iPhone
show examples
 models coming
this
Linking Words
 year.
This
Linking Words
 exchange of
information
Use synonyms
 is very beneficial for
people
Use synonyms
which
Correct pronoun usage
it
show examples
let
Wrong verb form
lets
show examples
 them
connected
Wrong verb form
connect
show examples
 to whatever is going on around the world. As there are pros of
Use synonyms
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
, where
people
Use synonyms
 exchange
valuble
Correct your spelling
valuable
information
Use synonyms
. There is
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
also
Linking Words
 a con
too
Punctuation problem
, too
show examples
. As there are many malicious
people
Use synonyms
 who are
also
Linking Words
involve
Wrong verb form
involved
show examples
 in these
platforms
Use synonyms
. These
Use synonyms
kind
Fix the agreement mistake
kinds
show examples
 of
people
Use synonyms
 corrupt the
services
Use synonyms
 and pathways which allow
data
Use synonyms
 to travel from one end to another and
then
Linking Words
 listen to the
data
Use synonyms
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 can be very secretive or
sensitve
Correct your spelling
sensitive
 for many big companies, authorities or scientific research facilities. These
Use synonyms
kind
Fix the agreement mistake
kinds
show examples
 of
people
Use synonyms
 are called black hat hackers. They exploit
system's
Correct article usage
the system's
show examples
vunerabilities
Correct your spelling
vulnerabilities
 and risks to corrupt valuable
data
Use synonyms
 or steal it.
That is
Linking Words
 why organisations did not reveal any
kind
Use synonyms
 of
data
Use synonyms
 to
public
Correct article usage
the public
show examples
 unless it is secured or processed
thorougly
Correct your spelling
thoroughly
, e.g if a company release
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
data
Use synonyms
 without finalisation
Use synonyms
people
Punctuation problem
, people
show examples
 like
hacker
Fix the agreement mistake
hackers
show examples
 can gain access to it or leak it to other companies
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 greatly
affect
Correct subject-verb agreement
affects
show examples
 the company's productivity. In my opinion. Some
data
Use synonyms
 which can not affect any integrity of any facility or its products should be free to use
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
Use synonyms
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
 if the
data
Use synonyms
 includes sensitive
data
Use synonyms
Punctuation problem
, than
show examples
than
Use the right word
then
show examples
organisation
Correct article usage
the organisation
show examples
 should
develope softwares
Correct your spelling
develop software
 which
help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
show examples
 to defend the viruses.

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task achievement
Make sure to clearly state your opinion in the introduction and conclusion. It helps the reader understand your position better.
coherence and cohesion
Try to connect your ideas more smoothly. Use linking words like 'firstly', 'next', 'however', and 'for example' to guide the reader.
coherence and cohesion
Check for grammar mistakes, such as subject-verb agreement and spelling errors. This will improve clarity.
task achievement
You mentioned several real-world examples of online platforms where information is shared, which adds depth to your argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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