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Writing Samples
Band 7

Some think spending a lot on birthdays celebration and weddings is a waste of money. Others think that it is important for young people and society. Discuss both views and give your opinion

Some argue that allocating a large amount of
money
Use synonyms
 to birthday and wedding parties is essential for youth and society
due to
Linking Words
 their rooted cultural role.
However
Linking Words
, I agree with those who argue that
such
Linking Words
 celebrations are considered a wasteful way to spend
money
Use synonyms
, as
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 can be used to buy more valuable and useful items. On the one hand, some argue that weddings and birthday celebrations are among the major life events across the world. The advocates of
this
Linking Words
 view claim that
such
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 special occasions are
also
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 associated with accomplishments which mark the milestones of one’s life.
Therefore
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, holding a celebration in the form of a party or a gathering
event
Use synonyms
 is a common activity to create meaningful memories.
For example
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, in many countries, the seventeenth birthday is considered a crucial one.
This
Linking Words
 is because youngsters are becoming members of adulthood, as they reach legal age and are eligible to obtain a national identity card.
Due to
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 its significance, many parents insist on organising a big party to commemorate their children’s lifetime
event
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
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, I side with those who believe that
such
Linking Words
 celebrations are not a mindful way to spend
money
Use synonyms
. The huge amount of
money
Use synonyms
 spent on decorations,
event
Use synonyms
 organisers, and restaurant bookings is often not worth it and not sustainable, especially considering that the
event
Use synonyms
 only lasts for a couple of hours.
Instead
Linking Words
, it could be used to purchase valuable and sustainable items,
such
Linking Words
 as gadgets, which are needed for their work or study, or be saved for long-term goals like buying a house to live in.
For instance
Linking Words
, nowadays, trends have shifted, and people have become more mindful about their spending. Many choose to hold a modest celebration,
such
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 as a simple dinner, rather than hosting a big party. In conclusion,
while
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 some people view spending heavily on birthdays and weddings as an important cultural practice, I believe
such
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 expenses are unnecessary and wasteful.
Instead
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
money
Use synonyms
 could be better allocated to more meaningful and practical purposes,
such
Linking Words
 as investing in useful items that offer lasting value.

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task achievement
Make sure your main points are fully explained and connected to your opinion. Adding more detail can help clarify your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Try to use more linking words to connect your ideas smoothly. This helps the reader follow your argument better.
task achievement
Ensure each paragraph stays focused on one main idea, and consider adding more relevant examples to support your points.
task achievement
The essay addresses both views clearly and presents a personal opinion, which meets the task requirements well.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are clearly stated, giving a good overview of the essay.
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