IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people say that economic growth is the only way to end hunger and poverty, while others say that economic growth is damaging the environment so it must be stopped. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The exaggerated role of fiscal development is singled out as a pressing issue preoccupying many governments.
Although
Linking Words
 it is irrefutable that economic spring will do a disservice to the surroundings, I oppose
this
Linking Words
 viewpoint since social concerns can be efficiently combatted. There are several compelling rationales behind the environmentalists' fixation on halting the speed of economic expansion and urban sprawl. Certainly, earning a lucrative revenue is an unattainable target without environmental sacrifices when multifunctional amenities and machinery are to be installed. By the negligence of other instrumental components, if governments only divert their budget to spur economic growth, nature's well-being will be left with a legacy of deterioration.
For instance
Linking Words
,
instead
Linking Words
 of abating air pollution, Indian administrators have been inclined to prioritize the logistics leap, which undoubtedly comes at the expense of highly contaminated water sources for irrigation. Inevitably, the recurrence of dormant foodborne illnesses will not be ineradicable, overshadowing the redeeming features of a financial surge.
Otherwise
Linking Words
, there are underlying merits of highlighting the pivotal influence of monetary emphasis to address domestic issues. A multipronged approach, fostered by a stable economic status, is a must to dilute public implicit erosion from social upheaval.
Consequently
Linking Words
, a financial stronghold may fortify a country against potential turbulence, including either external invasion or internal decay.
For example
Linking Words
, in developed countries,
such
Linking Words
 as the US and Canada, by triggering fast-paced commercial trade, successfully fulfilled the crevices of famine and averted escalating juvenile delinquency as a byproduct.
Therefore
Linking Words
, to hold a country from inner collapses and crises, the reinforcement in the commercial state is of paramount importance. In conclusion, reflecting the adverse impacts of industrialization on the environment by its insidious implications on the populace's health, governments should take steps to keep the issue at bay. Meanwhile, all-round development will run in parallel with appropriate fiscal policies.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Response
Task Response: The essay addresses the given topic by discussing both views on economic growth and its impact on hunger, poverty, and the environment. However, the connection between economic growth and its impact on poverty and hunger is not fully explored. It would be beneficial to provide a more balanced discussion of both views and their implications on poverty and hunger.
Coherence and Cohesion
Coherence and Cohesion: The essay demonstrates a good logical structure overall, with a clear introduction and conclusion. However, the organization of supporting ideas could be improved for better clarity and coherence. Ensure that each paragraph presents a clear and well-supported point, and transitions between ideas are smoother to enhance cohesion.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: