IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In many cities, there is a lack of land that could be used for housing. As population levels in these areas increase, would it be better to use land for parks or for housing? Do you agree or disagree?

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Introduction
It is widely believed that with increasing population levels, these areas would be better used for providing more housing
space
Use synonyms
.
Although
Linking Words
 it is understandable that
parks
Use synonyms
 should be kept for outdoor exercise and recreational purposes, I believe housing should be
prioritized
Use the right word
prioritised
show examples
.
Body · 1
First and foremost,
parks
Use synonyms
 bring
people
Use synonyms
 together and promote healthy lifestyles. They encourage
people
Use synonyms
 to actively stay fit and healthy.
Parks
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
 serve the purpose of providing a place for citizens to relax and
socialize
Use the right word
socialise
show examples
.
This
Linking Words
 helps bring
people
Use synonyms
 together and improves their mental well-being.
Body · 2
Moreover
Linking Words
,
parks
Use synonyms
 provide a peaceful
space
Use synonyms
 in crowded cities with many apartments. The presence of
such
Linking Words
parks
Use synonyms
 can
also
Linking Words
 help reduce
screen-time
Use the right word
screen time
show examples
 usage.
Consequently
Linking Words
, it helps not only to maintain a good lifestyle for everyone but
also
Linking Words
 to improve your health significantly.
Body · 3
Another thing is that
parks
Use synonyms
 can
also
Linking Words
 be used as recreational places for preserving the habitat of endangered animals. Many national
parks
Use synonyms
 are constructed solely to discourage hunting and
recovering
Verb problem
to protect animal
show examples
 numbers of animals.
This
Linking Words
 is vital to keep the ecology more balanced.
Body · 4
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
parks
Use synonyms
 can
also
Linking Words
 take up lots of
space
Use synonyms
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 may inhibit investment in housing. As there is much emphasis on building
parks
Use synonyms
 and community services, it will be more complex to find suitable land for house construction, let alone building enough buildings for
people
Use synonyms
 to live in.
This
Linking Words
 can lead to shelterlessness.
Body · 5
With
this
Linking Words
 said, it is better if there is adequate
space
Use synonyms
 for shelter
—
Punctuation problem
,
show examples
apartments and houses.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 housing is a basic necessity that should be
prioritized
Use the right word
prioritised
show examples
, I think that
parks
Use synonyms
 have more benefits because they help to keep our lifestyles well-rounded and healthier.

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Task Achievement
Try to focus more on one clear opinion throughout the essay. This makes it easier for readers to follow your main point.
Coherence and Cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea that connects back to your main argument. This strengthens your essay's flow.
Task Achievement
You have good ideas about the benefits of parks and housing.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your introduction clearly states your opinion on the topic.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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