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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

With the advances in the field of technology, an increasing number of people are now working from home. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of working remotely.

In the modern world, technologies have
an
Correct article usage
a
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 crucial role
on
Change preposition
in
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business
Correct article usage
the business
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 environment
Punctuation problem
, which
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which
Correct word choice
as
show examples
 they
are
Verb problem
have
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 started to solve immense problems
qucikly
Correct your spelling
quickly
.
While
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this
Linking Words
 offers a few advantages, there are
also
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 some disadvantages which are worth considering. There are two main benefits for both entrepreneurs and
workers
Use synonyms
. First and foremost, through technologies, companies can stay away from
office
Use synonyms
expenses
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. Nowadays, maintaining balance is the main purpose for almost every businessman. On top of that, they are living in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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limited resources
,
Punctuation problem
;
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consequently
Add a comma
consequently,
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 they should manage
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
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 and avoid meaningless
expenses
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.
Researches
Fix the agreement mistake
Research
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have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
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 shown that nowadays, companies
started
Verb problem
have started
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 to get more income,
hence
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 managers tend to decrease the amount of
office
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expenses
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.
In addition
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, today, finding skilled
workers
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 is difficult for employers. Actually, that situation
is
Verb problem
does
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 not
only
Verb problem
depend only
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depends
Verb problem
apply
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on individuals' intelligence but
also
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 from
time
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 to
time
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,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
they
Use the right word
the
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 are suffering from
distance
Use synonyms
 between their home and workplace.
Therefore
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, workforces try to find job opportunities which
accepted
Verb problem
allow
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to
Correct pronoun usage
them to
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work
Use synonyms
 remotely. In fact, today, there are a number of
workers
Use synonyms
 who try to change their company to
work
Use synonyms
home
Change preposition
from home
show examples
.
On the other hand
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, various drawbacks may be noted. In the first place, working remotely could cause
detrimental
Correct article usage
a detrimental
show examples
 impact
to
Change preposition
on
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office
Use synonyms
 culture. So that people who
work
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 from home
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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cannot get
together with
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 their mates easily,
therefore
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, after
sometime
Use the right word
some time
show examples
 it could
cause
Verb problem
lead
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 to
lose keeping
Wrong verb form
losing
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 touch with each other.
According to
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 interviews, individuals
are
Verb problem
have
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 started to
be
Verb problem
become
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introvert
Replace the word
introverted
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due to
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Use synonyms
work
Replace the word
working
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 remotely.
Additionally
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, workforces who
work
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 from
Use synonyms
distance
Correct article usage
a distance
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, from
time
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 to
time
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,
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
are suffering from loss of internet connection. That situation
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
sometimes can
Correct word order
can sometimes
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 cause immense problems for
company
Correct article usage
the company
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.
Furthermore
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,
anyone
Use the right word
no one
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cannot coping
Verb problem
can cope
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 with that action, neither employers nor
some
Fix the agreement mistake
apply
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loved ones.
Therefore
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, the more
distance
Use synonyms
the
Punctuation problem
, the
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 more problems.
in
Fix capitalization
In
show examples
 conclusion, if corporations tend to use technologies to
work
Use synonyms
 remotely, they could create
convinient
Correct your spelling
convenient
condition
Fix the agreement mistake
conditions
show examples
 for
workers
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 and reduce the amount of
expenses
Use synonyms
.
However
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, working from
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distance
Correct article usage
a distance
show examples
take
Correct subject-verb agreement
takes
show examples
 some risks like
negative
Correct article usage
a negative
show examples
 impact
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
office
Use synonyms
 culture and some dangers like internet disconnections.
Therefore
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, it is necessary to weigh the benefits against the drawbacks carefully before coming to a decision as to whether
workers
Use synonyms
 should
work
Use synonyms
 from
Use synonyms
distance
Correct article usage
a distance
show examples
 or not.

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea and that the ideas flow logically from one to the next.
task achievement
Add specific examples to support your points. This will help make your arguments stronger and clearer.
general writing
Use simpler sentences instead of complex ones. It will make your writing clearer and easier to read.
grammar and mechanics
Check for spelling and grammar mistakes. Spelling errors can make your writing less credible.
task achievement
You have identified both advantages and disadvantages of remote work, which is great for discussing the topic.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps to frame your argument well.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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