IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people think that competition at work, at school and in daily life is a good thing. Others believe that we we should try to cooperate more, rather than competing against each other. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

It is often thought that
competition
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 between
people
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 at
work
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, school, and in daily life is a useful thing,
while
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other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
Use synonyms
people
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apply
show examples
believe that we should try to improve our teamwork abilities.
Although
Linking Words
 the latter opinion can be beneficial in some cases, I believe that
competition
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 between
people
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 can increase their productivity and their excitement. Cooperation is important to finish some
work
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 that requires teamwork skills, especially in big companies, in order to finish
work
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 as soon as possible. As an illustration, Big 4 companies,
such
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 as Deloitte, focus on improving cooperative skills for their employees, so that they can be faster and more effective
while
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 doing their
work
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. I think that
competition
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 is more important to increase productivity, because
this
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 can make
people
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 more excited to be better than others, so they become hardworking
people
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.
However
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, it
also
Linking Words
 makes workers reject losing and try to beat everything in front of them. In conclusion,
although
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 cooperation is so useful to finish
work
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 fast, I think that
competition
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 is more effective on
people
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 and increases their productivity.

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task achievement
Try to provide more clear examples to support your points. Explain how competition boosts productivity specifically.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph clearly relates to your main argument and connects smoothly to the next. Use linking words.
positive
Your introduction presents the topic well and states your opinion clearly.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • innovation
  • productivity
  • excel
  • outperform
  • advancements
  • academic standards
  • work ethic
  • stress
  • anxiety
  • unhealthy rivalries
  • harmonious
  • supportive
  • collaborative learning
  • social skills
  • communication skills
  • sense of community
  • collective goals
What to do next:
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