IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that there should be fixed punishments for each type of crime. Others argue that the circumstances and motivation of each crime should always be considered when deciding on the punishment. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Nowadays,
Use synonyms
crime
Correct article usage
the crime
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 rate is increasing at
alarming
Correct article usage
an alarming
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 rate, which has raised a debate among people.
While
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 many people think that each type of
crime
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 should give fixed
punishments
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 regardless of
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Correct article usage
the criminals
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criminals
Check wording
criminal's
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 intentions, others contend that before making any
judgement
Use the right word
judgment
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,
judge
Fix the agreement mistake
judges
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 should examine
circumstances
Correct article usage
the circumstances
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 before delivering justice. I personally agree with
previous
Correct article usage
the previous
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view point
Use the right word
viewpoint
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, and
this
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 essay will discuss both
the
Correct article usage
apply
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views and explain the reasons. On one hand, one reason why people support the idea of the importance of applying fixed
punishment
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 because they believe it will help to reduce
crimes
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 and
makes
Correct subject-verb agreement
make
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 a society
safer
Correct article usage
a safer
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 place. Fixed
punishments
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 can act as a deterrent.
For example
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, if there is
fixed
Correct article usage
a fixed
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 sentence for a
crime
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 regardless of intention, it will discourage or stop
criminals
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 from committing
crimes
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.
Therefore
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, the rate of
offenses
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offences
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would be decreased and
makes
Correct subject-verb agreement
make
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a community more
safe
Correct word choice
safer
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 place. Another benefit to society of fixed
punishment
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 is cost and time savings. As there is no need to observe intentions and motivation before
annoucing
Correct your spelling
announcing
judgement
Use the right word
judgment
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, it will deliver justice quickly and there will be no need for long investigations.
On the other hand
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,
although
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 fixed
punishments
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 may deliver judgements effectively, the motive behind the
crimes
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 cannot be overlooked. It is significantly important to consider
Correct article usage
the
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offendor's
Correct your spelling
offender's
 circumstances before making a
judgement
Use the right word
judgment
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. Some
crimes
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 may have
same
Correct article usage
the same
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punishments
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but
Punctuation problem
, but
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intentions
Correct article usage
the intentions
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way
Verb problem
are way
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 different from each other.
For example
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, if a person stoles bread or milk from
superstore
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a supermarket
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 because of poverty should not receive
same
Correct article usage
the same
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punishment
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 as stealing
vehicle
Correct article usage
a vehicle
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.
Although
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 in both situations theft is the
crime
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, the reasons are completely different, so delivering
fixed
Correct article usage
a fixed
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punishment
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 for stealing might be
injustice
Correct article usage
an injustice
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 for a person who stole
for eating
Change preposition
to eat
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. In conclusion,
while
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 applying fixed
punishments
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 may deliver
sentence
Correct article usage
a sentence
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 quickly and deter
criminals
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to
Change preposition
from
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do
Verb problem
engaging
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Change preposition
in illegale
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illegale
Correct your spelling
illegal
 activities, it can
also
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 deliver injustice to some
criminals
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. A balanced approach, a
crime
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 which did not cause any injuries or
deaths
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deaths,
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 should be examined
the
Verb problem
to determine the
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intentionsbefore
Correct your spelling
intentions before
 the
judgements
Use the right word
judgments
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should
Verb problem
are
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 delivered
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 for serious
crimes
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fixed
Punctuation problem
, fixed
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punishments
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 may be an effective way.

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea. Each point should connect to that main idea and relate to your opinion.
task achievement
Expand your points with more detailed examples and explanations. This will help to show your understanding and strengthen your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Check your grammar and punctuation. Some sentences are a bit confusing, which makes it hard to understand your ideas clearly.
task achievement
You provide a clear opinion in your introduction, which is important for the reader.
task achievement
You make a good effort to discuss both views, showing understanding of the topic.
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