IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that engaging in an active pastime does more to develop childrens’ life skills than time spent reading. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Many individuals argued that participating in reading activities
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 more beneficial for children than
psychical
Correct word choice
physical
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 ones. I strongly disagree with
this
Linking Words
 statement, because theoretical activities like reading, which can enhance
brain
Use synonyms
 functions, especially for
kids
Punctuation problem
kids,
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 as their brains can adapt and develop to
a
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 enhanced version.
To begin
Linking Words
 with , when children
reads
Correct subject-verb agreement
read
show examples
, they challenge their
Use synonyms
brain
Fix the agreement mistake
brains
show examples
 and put
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
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 under pressure,
as a result
Linking Words
, their brains evolve and grow.
For example
Linking Words
, scientists conducted an experiment on students in the UK. They divided the students into two groups, the first one was focusing on physical
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
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,
in contrast
Linking Words
 to the second group
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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 focused on theoretical activities
, after
Punctuation problem
. After
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 that
scientists
Punctuation problem
, scientists
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have examed
Wrong verb form
examined
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 both and discovered that the second group scored better.
This
Linking Words
 shows you that reading is
such
Linking Words
 an essential part
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 life
Additionally
Linking Words
, some people may have an opposite opinion or
neutral
Correct article usage
a neutral
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 view, and I understand that.
While
Linking Words
 reading is an important aspect,
but
Correct word choice
apply
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it can be affected by physical one, as
brain
Use synonyms
 functions
depends
Correct subject-verb agreement
depend
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 on the situation of the body and how
healty
Correct your spelling
healthy
is it
Correct word order
it is
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. A recent study published by
neuroscientist
Correct article usage
a neuroscientist
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in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 Oxford University
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 shows that people who had balanced lifestyles
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 have a higher biological age,
in contrast
Linking Words
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
with
Change preposition
to
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 those who
hadn't
Verb problem
didn't
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. We can see by
this
Linking Words
 example that the best lifestyle is the balanced one. In conclusion, reading is an important habit, as it develops our intellectual
works
Check wording
skills
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 by putting our
brain
Use synonyms
 under
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
hard circumstances. But that doesn't mean that physical habits are not important
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 exactly both depend on each other, as the situation of the body is an important factor for the
brain
Use synonyms
 to thrive.

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task achievement
Make sure to clearly state your opinion in the introduction. It helps the reader understand your stance from the beginning.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea, and try to connect your ideas with linking words (like 'firstly', 'for example', 'in conclusion').
task achievement
Provide more specific examples in your paragraphs to support your arguments better. This will make your ideas more convincing.
task achievement
You present an interesting opinion on the importance of balanced lifestyles, which adds depth to your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion nicely summarizes the main points of the essay, linking back to the overall argument.
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