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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart below shows the results of a survey about people’s coffee and tea buying and drinking habits in five Australian cities. Summaries the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart below shows the results of a survey about people’s coffee and tea buying and drinking habits in five Australian cities. Summaries the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The shown bar graph describes the
number
Check wording
results
show examples
 of a survey about
coffee
Use synonyms
 and tea buying and drinking habits in
Sydney
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, Melbourne,
Brisban
Use the right word
Brisbane
show examples
,
Adelaide
Use synonyms
,
Use synonyms
Hobart
Correct word choice
and Hobart
show examples
 in Australia over a period of 4 weeks. As the chart shows, these data in each
countries
Fix the agreement mistake
country
show examples
were
Verb problem
showed
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 an upward trend
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
 the rate of
went
Wrong verb form
going
show examples
 to
cafe
Fix the agreement mistake
cafes
show examples
 for
coffee
Use synonyms
 or tea in both
Sydney
Use synonyms
 and
Hobart
Use synonyms
 were the highest,
while
Linking Words
 the
opposites
Fix the agreement mistake
opposite
show examples
 was true in the figure of
Adelaide
Use synonyms
. The results of
bought
Wrong verb form
buying
show examples
 instant
coffee
Use synonyms
 in
Brisban
Use the right word
Brisbane
show examples
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 the highest, and the amount of bought fresh
coffee
Use synonyms
 was the best high in
Sydney
Use synonyms
. As is shown by the graph,
bought fresh
Correct word order
coffee bought fresh
show examples
coffee
Use synonyms
 decreased slightly from
Sydney
Use synonyms
 to Bristan from over 40 to over 30 per
cen
Correct your spelling
cent
, before
level
Use the right word
levelling
show examples
 off at
appoximetly
Correct your spelling
approximately
 35 per
cen
Correct your spelling
cent
 in
Adelaide
Use synonyms
,
then
Linking Words
 increased significantly in
Hobart
Use synonyms
 by 3%. In terms of the bought instant
coffee
Use synonyms
 went up fastly between
Sydney
Use synonyms
 and
Brisban
Use the right word
Brisbane
show examples
 from over 40% to over 50 per
cen
Correct your spelling
cent
,
then
Linking Words
 went down slowly in
Adelaide
Use synonyms
about
Change preposition
by about
show examples
 50%, and continued
grew
Verb problem
to grow
show examples
rapid
Replace the word
rapidly
show examples
 by 2% in
Hobart
Use synonyms
. Regarding
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 the
propose
Check wording
proposal
show examples
of went
Change preposition
to go
show examples
 to a cafe for
coffee
Use synonyms
 or tea
rise
Wrong verb form
rose
show examples
 a bit by
appoximetly
Correct your spelling
approximately
 3% between
Sydney
Use synonyms
 and Melbourne. The figure in Melbourne fell
considerable
Replace the word
considerably
show examples
 to
Adelaide
Use synonyms
about
Change preposition
by about
show examples
 39%,
then
Linking Words
 jumped
like
Change preposition
apply
show examples
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
impressive
Replace the word
impressively
show examples
way
Check wording
apply
show examples
from
near
Replace the word
nearly
show examples
 40% to over 60% by more than 20%.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words coffee, sydney, adelaide, hobart with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "went up" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 3 times.
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