IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Nowadays, some people claim that public museums and art galleries will not be needed because people can see historical objects and works of art by using a computer. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

With the development of digital technology, many
people
Use synonyms
 argue that public
museums
Use synonyms
 and
art
Use synonyms
galleries
Use synonyms
 will no longer be fashionable in the future.
However
Linking Words
, I believe that those forms would not be replaced by the Internet. Indeed, that technology would allow
people
Use synonyms
 to
experience
Use synonyms
 the arts from all around the world at home, especially for those
people
Use synonyms
 who are disabled. It provides a convenient way and
also
Linking Words
 saves money to travel abroad.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, it ignores the unique
experience
Use synonyms
 that
art
Use synonyms
 brings. The appearance of the works can be copied relatively easily, but the real
experience
Use synonyms
 is difficult to
be replaced
Wrong verb form
replace
show examples
. Only
people
Use synonyms
 who go to the
museums
Use synonyms
 and
art
Use synonyms
galleries
Use synonyms
 can look at the details of the
artifacts
Use the right word
artefacts
show examples
 closely in person and have a strong sense
with
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the author. And
while
Linking Words
 you are enjoying the
art
Use synonyms
, there are guides to help you attain a deeper understanding of the background.
In addition
Linking Words
, many
galleries
Use synonyms
 and
museums
Use synonyms
 now have technological interactions,
such
Linking Words
 as AI communication and VR experiences. Allowing visitors to immerse themselves in interacting with artists across time. At the same time, some
galleries
Use synonyms
 would set up some areas for
people
Use synonyms
 to design their own artworks which is with the help of professional teachers. What’s more, the public
museums
Use synonyms
 and
galleries
Use synonyms
 can allow
people
Use synonyms
 to communicate with a real person, to share their thoughts. In conclusion, the development of computers which exactly brought
people
Use synonyms
 more opportunities to understand
art
Use synonyms
 and their histories. They still cannot replace the unique
experience
Use synonyms
from
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the
museums
Use synonyms
 and
galleries
Use synonyms
. In my opinion, I still think that they would not be replaced.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence
Make sure every paragraph focuses clearly on one idea and supports your main argument. Try to link your ideas more clearly with words like 'firstly', 'secondly', and 'finally'.
task achievement
Use more examples from real life or specific artists to support your points. This will help make your argument stronger and clearer.
task achievement
Your introduction clearly states your opinion, which is a good way to start. It sets the tone for the essay.
task achievement
You mentioned modern technology and how it can enhance the experience of art, showing a good understanding of the topic.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • virtual
  • digital
  • online
  • accessibility
  • inclusivity
  • cultural heritage
  • physical experience
  • immersion
  • local tourism
  • economy
What to do next:
Look at other essays: