IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

You are a current student of Loren Brusque University, studying Business Administration. You want to apply for the post of Quality Assurance Manager you have recently seen on the university's notice board. Write a letter to Mr. Walker, and ▪️Give your reason for writing ▪️Tell about your education ▪️Describe your work experience and explain why you would be suitable for the job.

#student #loren #brusque #university #business #administration #post #quality #assurance #manager #notice #board #mr #walker #▪️give #reason #▪️tell #education #▪️describe #work #job
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Dear Mr.Walker I am writing to apply for the position of Quality Assurance Manager
in
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at
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 Loren Brusque
university
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University
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 advertised on the notice board. I have been studying Business Administration
in
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at
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 the same university for about four years and I am about to graduate. Please find enclosed my CV for your consideration. As
it
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apply
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is obvious from my CV, I have a two-year experience of
part time
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part-time
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 job in
quality
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the quality
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 control department of Cloudy Sky Company which produces medical equipment for
surgery
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the surgery
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room
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rooms
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 of hospitals. I started working for
this
 company as an apprentice in
QC
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the QC
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 section for my education project and they offered to recruit me later. I assume the experience that I gained in my job can certify that I am a proper candidate for your announced vacancy. In my current role as a QC expert I have been responsible for renewing the process of our department in order to decrease the number of
complains
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complaints
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 about the issues of QC. I was successful
to increase
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in increasing
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 customer satisfaction
for
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by
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 about 10 percent
in
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on
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 average
which
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and
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 I believe I can obtain the same result in your organization
due to
 my interest in the job and motivation. Thank you for your time and consideration. I look forward to seeing you in person to discuss
further
 of my application. Sincerely yours Sara Anderson
Submitted by keyhan454 on

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Task Achievement
To improve your task response score, make sure to provide more detailed examples of your achievements and how they specifically relate to the demands of the Quality Assurance Manager role. Expressing how your skills will benefit the university further would make your application more compelling.
Coherence and Cohesion
For better coherence and cohesion, consider using a wider range of linking words and phrases to create smoother transitions between paragraphs and sentences. Additionally, organizing your experiences and qualifications in a more structured way could enhance the readability of your letter.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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